Pattaya Mail turns 12

Vol. XIII No. 29
Friday July 22 - July 28, 2005

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Fun City By The Sea

Updated every Friday
by Saichon Paewsoongnern

 



SPORTS
HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:

Kenyan runner takes Pattaya Marathon title

Ebrahim and Clarke go head to head at Green Valley

Thai Darts Association to host charity tournament to aid ill president

Lightening strikes Royal Lakeside

IPGC golf with The Caddy Shack

A family affair at Green Valley

Milner’s marauders from medal to moolah

PSC golf from the Three Sisters Bar

A little ray of sunshine

Mike Wings at Crystal Bay

Hartleys in command with five clubs

Not so tough at the top!

Soi 6 Quiz League

Wednesday Quiz League

Mickey Mouse Darts League

PSC golf from Tropical Bert’s Beach Bar

Three tied for first and three tied for second place after week five

Wash out at Siam

The Beautiful Game?

Geoff Wylie scores 80 to win the PSC half-century tournament

The Square Ring

‘Tie me kangaroo down’

PATTAPA SPORTS ROUND-UP

Kenyan runner takes Pattaya Marathon title

Pattaya Mail Staff Reporters

On his first visit to Thailand, Kenyan John Rotich was first to cross the finish in this year’s 11th Pattaya Marathon. Rotich crossed the finish line with a time of 2 hours 34 minutes and 33 seconds, eight minutes slower than fellow countryman John Kelai last year. In the ladies event Sunisa Sailomyen retained her title to win the 42.2km race with a time of 3 hours 11 minutes and 42 seconds.

Reigning women’s Pattaya Marathon champion Sunisa Sailomyen retained her title to win the 42.2km race with a time of 3 hours 11 minutes and 42 seconds.

The 11th Pattaya International Marathon got underway on the early hours of Sunday morning, breaking away from the traditional start/finish line at Soi 4/5 to the new location near South Pattaya’s Bali Hai pier.

This event, which is growing each year, was attended by Advisor to the Interior Ministry Santsak Ngamphiches, Chonburi Governor Pisit Khetpasook, and Mayor Niran Wattanasartsathorn, who fired off the starting sirens.

The new location suffered teething problems, with an electric generator that failed during the start. Officials decided it was necessary to re-start the race. Some runners had made their way as far as Beach Road, and had to be recalled.

John Rotich from Kenya was first to cross the finish line at Bali Hai to win the men’s marathon in 2 hours 34 minutes and 33 seconds.

The race had over 20,000 participants this year. The half, quarter and student races were run in succession with the wheelchair marathon taking place at 5.30 a.m.

Roger Rabbit, who is running to raise money for leukemia research, was spotted as well as some other colourful characters some of whom were even joined by their dogs.

There was significant reduction in the number international athletes this year, but the huge number of local athletes taking part in the half and quarter marathons bolstered numbers.

Police and official medical personnel were on hand to support the race, although few injuries were sustained. A number of runners felt that the circuit starting from Soi 4 was more suitable as the Bali Hai location was somewhat confined for space.

John Rotich and Sunisa Sailomyen were presented with Prime Minister’s Trophy along with prize money, as were the next five runners up in each category. (Results and pictorial next week)

Del “Roger Rabbit” McCarrick begins his run for charity.

With all starting hiccups forgotten, runners were sent on their way around the gruelling course, many with a smile.


Ebrahim and Clarke go head to head at Green Valley

PSC golf from the Cafe Kronborg

Monday July 11
Green Valley
Stableford

In the absence of the Admiral, gone AWOL for the second week in succession, a large turnout of some thirty three golfers journeyed to Green Valley for this Monday’s tournament.

Ebrahim and Rodney Clarke with Green Valley staff.

Whether this good turnout was due to the prospect of playing this excellent golf course or whether they were tempted by the possibility of another good laugh at the antics of the “what can go wrong this week” stand in organizers is hard to say, however as it turned out they were not to be disappointed on either count.

The course itself was a found to be in its usual pristine condition, the only problem being that on the sixth hole the greens suddenly changed to resemble browns, reverting back to greens again on the eleventh.

The reason for this one assumes is that due to recent course maintenance a top dressing of sand had been applied to the aforementioned greens calling for a rapid adjustment of putter technique and chipping skills for our competitors.

Needless to say none of this affected our boys in the slightest as they applied their superior skills to overcome this minor obstacle with Akitoshi Ito leading the way on 38 points to win the ‘A’ flight from that irrepressible four handicapper Jeff Wylie (35pts) in second, winning on count back from Ebrahim in third.

In the ‘B’ flight, as if to prove to the rest of us that the course could be tamed regardless of the color of the greens, it was Bengt Agaroo with a fine 42 pts taking the honors from Toy Theobold (36pts) in second.

Third place however was not quite as straightforward due to a small administrative error resulting in third prize, probably for the first time in the history of the Kronborg, being presented to the wrong man.

Initially the third place was given to Joel Flor with 33 points but unfortunately his joy was somewhat short-lived as it was soon discovered Graham Hiskitt had in fact carded 35 pts and some how had been overlooked.

All was well however as in the true spirit of the game Joel graciously handed his third place winnings over to Graham with both accepting the apologies of the organizers.

Thankfully their leader returns next week and normal service no doubt will be resumed.

Technical Prizes:

Nearest Pins #5 Anita Lundberg; #8 Joel Flor; #13 Ebrahim; #16 Jeff Wylie

Longest Putts: #9 Toy Theobold; #18 Mike Gaussa.

Thursday July 14
Phoenix
Stableford

Another fine day at Phoenix, on a fine course where the only additional item you need these days is a bucket and spade so you can make sandcastles in the sandpits they call bunkers. This happens sometimes when the courses realise they are running out of sand and send the truck down to the beach to fill up. Time will sort it out.

So there we go on the Mountain and Ocean nines, a fine 18 holes, and a good day looms ahead. The course in general these days is in good condition, they seem to have overcome the shortage of water and the fairway is nice and green, unfortunately on this day so were the greens so the putting was slow, not up to the normal speed of the course.

With the fairways in fine condition, the greens slow and the bunkers filling up our golf shoes with fine sand, as we searched for buried balls, we should have had some fine scores, surely someone had missed the bunkers, but surprisingly nobody beat their handicap.

We had a three way countback for winner on 35 points, with Rodney Clarke winning, Ebrahim in second and Derek Brook third. T.T.F.N.


Thai Darts Association to host charity tournament to aid ill president

The Thailand Darts Association (TDA) and Bangkok Darts League (BDL) will organise a fund-raising tournament on Saturday July 30 to help BDL president Ken Ywin who has suffered kidney failure.

For those who don’t know who Kennet is we like to enlighten you that he has been one of the driving forces of darts in Thailand for the past 20 years.

He has been very active for many of the charity and major tournaments that has been in the past in Bangkok and elsewhere. Bangkok Darts League has also been under his wing.

Earlier this year, Kenneth suffered kidney failure and has had numerous hospital visits as a result. He still has a long and expensive way to fully recover.

To ease up on Kenneth’s medical bills and to show appreciation of his past work of promoting darts in Thailand, the TDA is holding the special tournament. All darts players are invited to join in this charity event.

There will be a Group/Pool A and a Group/Pool B that plays on July 30. This is aimed at giving more players the chance to play against others in the same level.

A group of players from Hua Hin are competing, and hopefully players from Pattaya and elsewhere will attend.

The two competition categories include singles and doubles games. There will be 1-3 position prizes (3,000, 2,000, and 1,000) in both the singles and doubles and off course the bragging rights of being the best at the event. Entry fee is for the singles and doubles 150 baht/person.

The event is held at The 13 Coins, Rama 9, and soi 57. Registration will start from 11 a.m. on July 30. Visit: www.tdadarts.com for further information.


Lightening strikes Royal Lakeside

IPGC golf from The Haven

Monday July 11
Khao Kheow A/B
White Tees
Medal

1st Peter Emslie, net 69
2nd Trevor Schirmer, net 72
3rd Brian Kelly, net 73 - c/b 36
4th Graham Davis, net 73 - c/b 38

A hot and humid day greeted the Haven golfers and many were wilting after just a few holes. Definitely a day for taking a cart on this fairly testing “walk.” As may have been expected, scores were generally good, but “Slammer” played in a league of his own, shooting a superb 39 gross on A course to finish with an excellent 69 net, leaving Trevor, Brian & Graham trailing well behind. Unfortunately for Brian, the dark black clouds rolling in, made him rush his putt on the island hole, only to discover he had hit the wrong ball and incur a two shot penalty! In the 2s competition, Trevor Schirmer & Brian Wilkinson shared division 1 pot, whilst Doug Maiko scooped the rollover jackpot with the only 2 in division 2. Prior to the presentation, Richard Livingston, the resident PGA professional, welcomed back Graham Davis, Gordon Millar & Doug Maiko.

Wednesday July13
Burapha A/C
White Tees
Stableford

1st David Shaw, 39 pts - c/b18 c/b6 10
2nd Mike Dabanovich, 39 pts - c/b18 c/b6 9
3rd Joe Mooneyhan, 39 pts - c/b17
4th Barry Winton, 38 pts

Once again, on a day when early morning rains and storms abounded, the hardy Haven golfers were lucky and stayed dry! With the Thai PGA tour event taking place on B/D course, it was pleasant to play the unusual combination of the two front 9s.

In the event, scores were excellent and it proved a very close contest with a series of countbacks that left poor Richard with a headache! In the end, Joe and “Dabber” were the unlucky two as David just got the verdict on the back 6. Barry Winton, playing brilliantly would have won with a countback of 19 had he not called a dubious “double hit” on himself, that his playing partners had not heard or noticed! Whilst the course was in great condition, it was disappointing that bad “marshalling” caused a slow 5hr round because two Korean 4 balls playing ahead off the tips were fairly inept and would have been better playing off the whites or even reds!

In the 2s competition, Frank Hughes & Barry Winton shared the division 1 pool, whilst no 2’s were recorded in division 2. Prior to the presentation, Richard Livingston, welcomed back Keith Watson and Mark Campbell.

Friday July 15
Royal Lakeside
Stableford

1st Mark Campbell, 40 pts
2nd Roy Thornton, 39 pts
3rd Graham Davis, 38 pts

A welcome return to the beautiful riverside course, but a day when everybody was glad to return safely to Pattaya. The early starters found conditions very humid at first, with not a breath of wind and the mosquitoes hungry! But after just a few holes, conditions changed in seconds as a severe storm hit the course, play was suspended for over an hour as heavy rain lashed the course and lightening bolts scared the pants off golfers and caddies alike. Roy Thornton told how his club was knocked out of his hand and Barry Winton threw his putter to the ground on the 5th green as one particularly close “bolt” hit nearby. He and Brian Kelly then made an undignified dash to the starters hut, soon to be joined by the last 4 ball who had just tee’d off. As the storm abated an hour later, Barry & Brian retired for lunch, an early bath and surprisingly a green fee refund, generously offered by the manager. Thank you Royal Lakeside!

The remaining players continued their round in hot and steamy conditions as the course dried out. Man of the day was “reformed golfer” Mark Campbell, now described by his fellow players as the perfect gentleman! Despite his scary moment, Roy came home with 39 points and Graham, shooting an amazing 35 gross on the front 9, just edged out “Dabber” to complete the podium placings. Still, Mike Dabanovich had some consolation as he shared the 2s pool in division 1 with Bob Lindborg, whilst the rollover in division 2 remained unclaimed! After a long slow journey back to Pattaya (who chose to go to Chonburi on a Friday?) Richard Livingston welcomed back Moe Deverdenne and John Squitero before the unusually late presentation.


IPGC golf with The Caddy Shack

Tuesday July 12 saw the golfers travel the short distance to the immaculate Phoenix Golf club for a medal competition on the Mountain and Ocean courses. The weather was perfect and made for good scores. Another large field was split into two divisions with the cut at 18 and under. Division 2 had Clark Alexander in third spot with net 73 trailing, Rob Heath on level par 72 but the round of the day saw Les Hall scoring a net 68.

This week’s Caddy Shack star player, Les Hall.

In division 1 Ben Findon 3rd with 74, Brian Jacks second with 72 but topping the order once again was Mark Joshua with 1 under par 71. There was only one two posted by Gordie to take the pot on his own the bananas were awarded to Rob Heath and Mr Loy for reasons that should not be published in this report.

Thursday July 14 was a favourite day out at Ban Chang for a stableford competition, with a much reduced field because a large group went to one of the local Islands for a couple of days, there was only one division. Everybody agreed that it was the hottest conditions they had played under and everyone were exhausted after 18 holes. Only three players managed to keep cool and recorded reasonable scores. Ben Findon with 33 points, Mike Allidi 34 and Mr Loy 36 who was still obviously still drunk from the night before the rest of the field wished they had also gone to the Islands with the others to keep cool. The two’s were won by Les Hall rounding of a perfect week for him. The bananas were once again awarded to Rob Heath for his miserable 23 points. The Free Sunday lunches were won by Clark Alexander and David Lightfoot.

Why not come and have a whack with the Caddy Shack every Tuesday & Thursday, transport is arranged departing at 11 a.m.

This coming week the Caddy Shack plays at Noble Place on Tuesday July 26 and at Phoenix on Thursday July 28 with a two man scramble.

The Caddy Shack is situated on soi 17 south Pattaya on the same road as the Harley Bar.


A family affair at Green Valley

IPGC Pattaya Golf Society at the OK Corral

The Pattaya Golf Society from the OK Corral chose Green Valley as the venue for its weekly medal event on Tuesday, July 12, and found the course in reasonable condition under heavy skies. A warm welcome awaited the group, as usual, and the day was to throw up a few surprises. In the absence of current ‘Player of the Month’ John Cunningham, the other aspirants strived to gain an advantage in the stakes and Brian Wilkinson and John Healy’s gross 42 and 43 respectively on the first nine pointed to a par round but elsewhere in the field the husband-and-wife pairing of Fred and Toy Theobald were setting our their stalls as well. Toy and John Healy both eventually posted scores of net 75 for a share of second place. “Right!” said Fred and he went one better posting an excellent net 74 to take the day. John Healy’s fine birdie on the thirteenth was almost a hole-in-one and he proudly accepted the birdie bonus later in the evening. There were many candidates for the Booby Bevy prize, including latecomer Doug Maiko, whose arrival in Soi Rungland caused the whole field to be redrawn, and Brian Wilkinson, for whom a ten was the ultimate embarrassment. It fell however to Michael Sim whose back nine start including three eights in five holes, contributed to the day’s highest score. It had indeed been a fine day.

John Healy Fires Forty at Phoenix

Phoenix Golf & Country Club played host to the Pattaya Golf Society on “Bastille Day”, Thursday, July 14, as the group played their weekly stableford event there under laden skies and in very still and humid conditions. For many of the competitors the Mountain and Ocean nines were set at their finest with exquisite fairways and consistent, fairly paced greens and the scene was set for some good scores. Ken Graham, feeling a little under par, shot an excellent 36 points, but missed out on the podium as his efforts were usurped by those of Len Jones and Tom McCarthy. The two, teachers in another life, set the standard with fine scores of 38 points to share the second place, but were taught a lesson by the old master, John Healy, whose round of 40 points contained ten pars and an excellent birdie. All three principals were to recall the part played in their golf education by resident PGA teaching professional Richard Livingston and he later allowed himself a chuckle at the success of his students. Ken Graham and John Healy, playing in the same fourball, both birdied the Ocean seventh and shared the twos pot whilst John Cunningham, soon to return to Scotland, took consolation with the Booby Bevy for grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory as he picked up only five points on the last four holes. On the day Phoenix was a wonderful host and all enjoyed the friendship of a good day’s golf.


Milner’s marauders from medal to moolah

IPGC Golf From Lewiinski’s

Sunday July 10, Green Valley
White Tees, Monthly Medal

1st A Flight: Brian Wilkinson, net 69
2nd A Flight: Jim Munns, net 70
3rd A Flight: Colin Davis, net 70
1st B Flight: Bruce Milner, net 66
2nd B Flight: Mike Seely, net 68
3rd B Flight: Brian LeBatt, net 69
1st C Flight: Alec Hoare, net 69
2nd C Flight: Sid Ottaway, net 70
3rd C Flight: Mike Craighead, net 70
Near Pin: #5 Jeff Buehler; #8 Peter Barathy; #13 Mike Allidi; #16 John Merrick

The most vaunted trio in golf, monikered the Great Triumverate, whose accomplishments bracketed the late 1800s and early 1900s, was Harry Vardon, J. H. Taylor and James Braid. They dominated golf, which was, as it was this last weekend, centered in the British Isles. Between them, they won 15 Open’s between 1894 and 1922. No less esteemed is the Mak Mak Triumverate of: The Headmaster, the somnolant Capt. Fogg and the Scribe who share the July 10 as their birthday. The first two were the gracious hosts of the four near pins on Monthly Medal Sunday, and the third was just the guy who would write about it. So happy birthday and thanks to the two of them and to hell with the cheapskate.

The day belonged to the leader, and the man who lent his name to the merry band of Maruaders from downunder, Bruce Milner. Bruce secured the emblematic tankard and a spot in the year end Gold Medal Comp with a two stroke victory over the field, given his fine gross 82, net 66 gem. Bruce also, naturally was a Flight winner, in this case the mid-B flight, and was followed in by second place in B and overall Mike Seely and Brian “Blue” LeBatt.

“A” Flight was a casting director’s delight with the gold leaving in the hands of Brian “Wireless” Wilkinson, the silver with Capt. Fogg and the bronze gripped by that Golum of Golfers, The Donkey.

The junior Flight was led by a guy who seems to cash every week, Alec Hoare. Sid Ottaway fully committed to continuing his downward handicap trend was second and third went to the only count back winner of the day, Mike the Mechanic. Mike’s fortune was to the dismay of the ever improving Loz Shaw.

Tuesday July 12, St. Andrews 2000
or Green Valley, White Tees, Stableford

1st St. Andys Yellow Flight: Peter Barathy, 31 pts
1st St. Andys White A Flight: Nate Welchart, 39 pts
2nd St. Andys White A Flight: Jack Moseley, 38 pts
3rd St. Andys White A Flight: Mike Holmes, 35 pts
1st St. Andys White B Flight: Lawrence “Loz” Shaw, 33 pts
2nd St. Andys White B Flight: Chaten Patal, 33 pts
3rd St. Andys White A Flight: Bruce McAdam, 32 pts
1st Green Valley Flight: Phil Groves, 40 pts
2nd Green Valley Flight: Eddy Beilby, 38 pts

One shy of a handful of ‘golfonauts’ ventured where no Society competition had gone before, that is, to the Yellow tees at Desmond Muirhead’s St. Andrews 2000. Peter Barathy, armed with the most handicap bullets of the quartet, took the day.

The St. Andy’s players who took on the traditional white were ample enough to support two Flights, with three places in each. The premium White Flight justified its name, starting with their leader, as Nate “The Skate” Welchert celebrated a return to his beloved Pattaya with a prodigious 39 points. Second went to the 38 points of the champion of the Richard’s Birthday bash, Jack Moseley, and third to the 35 points and favorable count back of another one of them there Milner Marauders, Mike Holmes. Richard “Khun Pizza” Garland was the gracious competitor who yielded in that count back.

The junior Flight was a bit less dramatic, but the loot was just as spendable. Just ask Loz Shaw who copped the top rung! Chaten Patel and another MM mate, Bruce McAdams kept Loz company on the podium.

If the above three ring circus of multiple teed flights was not enough, the ol’ Golf Manager threw in another course, stepchild Green Valley. Big hittin’ Phil Groves emasculated the tough weekday version of this joint collaborative design effort of Peter Thompson (five Open titles) and Niran Phimwong (low gross in Stan’s Birthday Bash). Eddy Beilby gave every man hope as he strode of the podium to take up a stance on the second step.

Wednesday July 13, Pattana S.C.
Calypso & Brookei, White Tees, Stableford

1st John Merrick, 37 pts
2nd Bill Collis, 36 pts
3rd Brian Wilkinson, 35 pts

The field is always a bit more modest on the second day of the Society’s weekly back-to-back features and this Wednesday was no exception. Former Aussie pro and current Marauder John Merrick led the field with a tidy 37 points. Bill “that is not the reason I smell like fish” Collis came second with a level to handicap showing. “Wireless” snagged the last loot of the day.

Friday July 15, Phoenix
Blue or White Tees, Stroke/Medal

1st Blue Flight: Jeff Buehler, net 72
2nd Blue Flight: Bill Collis, net 74
3rd Blue Flight: Joe Mooneyham, net 74
1st White Flight: John Merrick, net 71
2nd White Flight: Bruce Milner, net 73

With Friday traffic threatening, it was off to nearby Phoenix. The ever-improving track was embellished by a large percentage of the field as they chose to step back to the Blue Tees. Big Jeff Buehler, who along with Nate Welchert, Sully Sullivan, Rick “here is a condom, just in” Casso and R2D2 Randy, was concluding this rotation through Pattaya, took the bombers. The Fish duplicated his position of Wednesday and Joe “I’m just back in the” Mooneyham swept up the remaining long ball loot. The White Flight was a walkabout for another couple of Marauders with John Merrick and Bruce McAdam, the second in command of the lot, pocketing all there was to pocket.


PSC golf from the Three Sisters Bar

 On Monday, July 11th, we had a good turnout with many of the regulars missing. Doug Douglas who has been absent for a while showed up and rolled over the rest of the golfers as he shot the best game of his life. Doug came in with 45 points and managed to beat the field by 4 shots. He had his “A” game going and couldn’t miss. His drives and putting put the rest of the field out of sight. Good shooting Doug!

Winner Doug Douglas (right) and Bag Holder Rollie Weese (left). In center is Jim Tully obviously disappointed he didn’t get to hold the bag!

Far back in second was Tony Oaks. Tony came in with a great score of 41 points but could not catch up with the leader. It seems that Tony has been unlucky a number of times. Every time he gets a good score some one comes in with a scorcher. Okay Mr. Handicap, get your axe out. Bill Gibson and Paul Kinner both came in with 39 points - 6 back of the leader. Again good scores, but not good enough for the day.

After leaving the cellar for a few weeks, Rollie Weese again got his feet tied up and tripped back into the cellar. It was a close call as his playing partner, Tully, tripped in with 22 points and fell short of the cellar door. It has been a battle for the bottom spot as the geriatrics get their group up every Monday. I wish that I can survive at their age, let alone play golf. Good going guys! It is always a pleasure to see these guys show up at Monday golf.


A little ray of sunshine

Fishing from Tropical Bert’s

Early on Sunday morning the intrepid anglers met at Bang Saray to spend a day out on the Dolphin with Captain Pong.

There is always a tingle of anticipation as the boat starts to chug out from the harbour, and the Captain decides where the fish are going to be hiding today. The day promised blue skies and gentle seas, the views were glorious.

Yes mother, all my own!

A gentle run out to the fishing grounds saw the anglers do what anglers do, tell tall tales, whilst Rodney’s lady, Janet, took the chance to catch up on some shut eye. Hard work being on holiday.

Out at the grounds, as the captain baited up the heavy duty rods, Ron and Rodney participated in a ‘cold one’, and waited for the reels to run. Fortunately they did.

There is always anticipation as you wait, but when the reel starts to scream it intensifies as you wonder what is on the other end.

On this occasion it was a sand shark, good on the barby, then shortly after a queen fish, which is even tastier. Then a long wait and a change of location, until the reels really screamed, and as the fish went directly under the boat the lines snapped. Another fine pompano missed.

Time passed, peace descended and the afternoon passed in blissful, rocking, silence, the eyes drooped, all was well with the world. In the midst of all this the reel screamed, everyone snapped out of slumberland, and the fight was on with a worthy opponent. Bringing in a ray, especially a large one, is akin to fighting a live wet bag of cement, hard work. However after a 30 minute fight the fish was landed, a 20kg, or so, stingray.

As the sun set and we headed back, the sea calm and in near perfect conditions we drank the last cold beers at the end of a fine day. T.T.F.N.


Mike Wings at Crystal Bay

PSC golf off the Grapevine

No, it’s not a misprint. Mike Wing played out of his skin to shoot a net 65 at Crystal Bay B & C to win the Grapevine Tankard, a monthly stroke event. In the A flight, Vincent Smyth played some steady golf to shoot a net 70 to win the A flight. Other good scores were carded by Takeshi, Al Sodhi, & Mike G. The technical prizes were shared amongst Vincent (2), Mike, Roy, Takeshi, Berry, Al, Jeff, & Joel.

Mike Wing, Grapevine Tankard winner with a net 65!

All in all, the course played very well with true greens and plenty of grass on the fairways. This is a great venue for our monthly tournament and endorsed by all who played. Visitors Ada and Patrick were made welcome by the group and are already planning their next visit. If you are looking for a game on a Thursday, come on down to the Grapevine, Soi Regent Marina (off Beach Rd.) and sign up. A good day is assured. Cheers and good golfing. JW


Hartleys in command with five clubs

Mike Franklin

Paul and Martin Hartley recorded a gross 73 in Jameson’s (JIGS) Five Clubs Pairs Scramble at Pattaya Country Club on Wednesday July 13. Their 9 stroke team handicap produced a net 64 and good enough to win, with John Larder and Andy Murphy not far behind with a net 65.8.

Paul (left) and Martin Hartley (right), the winners on JIGS day out at Pattaya Country Club, Wednesday July 13.

It was a funny day. Torrential early morning rain deterred four players from making the journey to Pattaya Country, for fear of a four hour soaking. Two players teed off at dawn, and the remaining fourteen stalwarts observed the booked time from 9.30 and enjoyed ideal golfing weather for the whole round. Admittedly it was cloudy and grey, with the occasional rumble of thunder in the distance, a cooling light wind but not a drop of rain. Pattaya Country Club, the caddy master told me, sits in a pocket that usually misses much of the rain in the area.

The technical prizes were claimed by ‘early bird’ Terry Schofield nearest the pin on #7. Alan Bishop nearest on #12, and long putts by Paul Hartley and Ed Trayling on #9 and #18 respectively.

It was the popular Curry Night’ back at Jameson’s, a brief prize-giving ceremony and a warm welcome to newcomer, and winner, Martin Hartley.

July 27 is the next ‘JIGS’ outing, this time to Eastern Star Country Club & Resort for a Stableford Pairs Better Ball competition. Sign-up at Jameson’s for that.


Not so tough at the top!

Jomtien 8-Ball Pool League

With five of the top six being drawn at home against the lower ranks, week 15 of the Jomtien League went mostly according to script.

Twilight Zone journeyed down to the far end of Soi Welcome but failed to build on their surprise victory last week, going down 7-2 to San Snack Bar. San Snack Bar maintained their three match advantage at the top of the table with the points already on the board before the supper break.

Moonshine and their visitors from Woaw’s Pub line up before their match. Woaw’s won 6-3.

Country Club sent visitors Bolaget home nursing another 5-4 loss. The visitors were looking good with the early 3-1 lead but two singles and two doubles later Country Club had the match secured. The final doubles went the way of Bolaget as some compensation. Once again Country Club will thank Hide-A-Way’s victors - this time for helping them to sole custody of second place in the standings.

At Rose & Thistle the singles were shared but visitors Hide-A-Way were unable even to steal a doubles game. Rose & Thistle’s 6-3 successes maintain their share of third rung on the ladder, although a long way back on game difference.

In the only away win of the night Woaw’s Pub, visiting Moonshine, also had the match wrapped up before the supper break - a couple of doubles to Moonshine made the final score 6-3 and restored a measure of respectability as deserved by their general standard of play.

Meanwhile, Lucky Bar welcomed Paweena’s to Soi Welcome but dispatched their visitors 6-3 for Lucky’s third win in a row; and Simple Simon, at home in Soi 5, took the points from S & N Palace with the same score and hold on to their share of third place.

Next week, the top two are expected to see off their challengers but third spot will be sorted out when Hide-A-Way hosts Simple Simon.


Soi 6 Quiz League


Wednesday Quiz League


Mickey Mouse Darts League

Standings round 17

No Darts will be played on July 22. Round 18 to be played July 29.
There will be a bar owners meeting at the Rising Sun Bar at 5 p.m .on July 29th. Any new bars wishing to join should attend that meeting.

Stan of Devonshire 101 checkout to help win the match against the Bunker
Corrected results from July 8 now included in league table. Cheers defeated PSI.


PSC golf from Tropical Bert’s Beach Bar

Tuesday July 12
Phoenix Stableford

Amazingly Tuesday comes around every week, the only reason I know this, living here, is because it is the only morning of the week I do not have to cook my own breakfast, it being free, and fine, at Bert’s.

Winners Ray Spence and Roy Pimblett with Bert’s staff.

On this day, with Bob and Max being in their home visit time, I had to be in early to make sure all knew where and when to play. Call me a disorganiser, we are good at that.

All fed and watered, it was ‘down’ Sukhumvit, to the fine vista of Phoenix Golf Club. One good thing about this place is you usually book and tee off on time, and this day we did.

The course was in its normal fine condition, less the bunkers, which I comment on in another report, still this course continues to improve and I am sure this is only a hiccup.

There must have been something good about the day, as back at Bert’s as I did the presentations, nobody was in the shake-up with less than 40 points, and Jeff Wylie, who shot a gross 72, lost his flight by six shots, as Ray Spence beat him by 6 clear shot. Painful what! In the higher group, also good scores and fine golf.

Bert’s treat for the night was roast chicken and chips, washed down with some cold beer, a fine and fitting end to a good day. T.T.F.N.

Divison 1 (0 to 19): Winner Ray Spence; Runner up Geoff Wylie

Division 2 (20 and above): Winner Roy Pimblett, Runner Up Rod Perrin

Near Pins: Jeff Wylie, Frank Pilkington, Derek Brook, Steve Hamstad, Ada Tse, Roy Pimblett (2), Andy Evans.

Long Putts: Jeff Wylie, Bill Knight


Three tied for first and three tied for second place after week five

Pattaya Sports Club Friday Bowling League

200 bowlers - Tue, Udom, La, Leo, Kran and Christian.

After week five we have three teams tied for first, three tied for second and two tied for third place. Friends moved into a tie for first after taking all four points from Mai’s Thai Restaurant. House of the Golden Coin won three points from Cafe Ole and Three Sisters beat Grape Vine taking three in that match. Jack & Tar took three points from Domicil and VFW Post 9876 won three from Brother D. Cafe Kronborg and Shenanigans bowled to a two-two point split.

Best bowlers of the day:
Tue, VFW Post 9876: 163, 222, 203 games - 588 series
Leo, Brother D: 184, 200, 188 games - 572 series
La, Three Sisters: 220 game - 548 series
Udom, House of the Golden Coin - 212 game - 531 series
Kran, Cafe Kronborg: 203 game - 524 series
Truevo, 517 series
Ooy, Cafe Ole: 514 series
Konrad, Brother D: 500 series


Wash out at Siam

PSC golf with The Bunker

Royal Lakeside Golf Course Monday,July 11

As usual Royal Lakeside was in pristine condition for the Bunker Boys on Monday. Paul Smith returned to from to win this medal play competition with a net 66. Second came Geoff Parker with net 67 and third was Roger Privett, net 69. Near the pins were Geoff Parker, Roger Privett, J.J. Harney and David Lightfoot.

Bob Turner (left) and Tony Shepherd (right) enjoying themselves on a nice golf day.

Century Ban Chang - Wednesday, July 13

Overcast and cool was the weather for the Bunker Boys on Wednesday, the course was in good condition for the stableford competition. In group “A” Geoff Parker shot 41 points to win by three shots from Roger Privett with 38 points. In third place was Granville Swanton with 37 points. In group “B” Tony Shepherd also shot 41 points to win this division. Second was Sonny Ruth Sip with 34 points and third were Fred Griffin and Bryan Rought both with 32 points. Near the pins were won by Eddie Martin, Mick Ramshaw, Tony Shepherd and Mitch Malone.

Siam Country Club - Friday July 15

It started off to be a great day, but by the 7th hole the rains came and the course became unplayable. This was the first rain out of the year.

The Bunker Boys are located on Soi Chaiyapoon (near X-zyte disco and across the street from Tony’s Disco II). Monthly golf schedules are available or consult the Pattaya Mail every week.


The Beautiful Game?: Wenger rings the changes

Riz Taylor

There are times when it’s only right to tip your hat to Arsene Wenger and salute everything he has achieved at Highbury in the last decade, even if like me you’re not a fan. The Frenchman has taken the club to unprecedented success, domestically at least, with some of the most attractive football ever seen in the British game.

Aside from a succession of trophies, the transformation of Thierry Henry from an unfancied winger at Juventus into a world-class striker is perhaps the most obvious achievement of Monsieur Wenger, but there are smaller, more subtle aspects of the manager’s reign that are often overlooked.

The prolonged careers and an added touch of class to the games of Tony Adams, Lee Dixon and Nigel Winterburn were testament to a whole new way of thinking. Wenger’s impact, with modern training regimes and better dieting for footballers more used to bacon and eggs washed down with super-strength lager, changed football forever. Let’s also not forget the stunning unbeaten run of last year, during which Arsenal looked simply untouchable.

Wenger has also shown a remarkable genius in the transfer market. Selling Emmanuel Petit and Marc Overmars to Barcelona for tens of millions was inspired, as the pair never played a decent season again, and flogging the moody Nicolas Anelka to Real Madrid for over 20 million was also smart business. But long after the headmasterly French manager says ‘Au Revoir’ to Highbury, or the somewhat less romantic-sounding Emirates Stadium where his side are soon headed, his Arsenal legacy may be judged on the astute purchase of a young, gangly midfielder deemed surplus to the needs of AC Milan.

Patrick Vieira made his debut as an Arsenal substitute in a 4-1 win over Sheffield Wednesday in 1996 replacing Ray Parlour, and the rest is, and forever will be, history.

Vieira has been the lynchpin behind all that Wenger has built in recent years, and at times seemed to almost single-handedly take the fight to a rampant Manchester United side that looked like dominating the game for decades to come. With both power and grace, Vieira symbolised the combative yet stylish approach to the game that transformed ‘boring, boring’ Arsenal into British football’s most attractive team. His midfield battles with Roy Keane, in particular, will long be a part of Premiership history.

This week, though, Wenger and Arsenal accepted an offer of 13.75 million pounds from Italian champions Juventus, ending the recurring “will he, won’t he” rumours that surface every summer. After his skipper’s last minute decision to stay at Highbury last year rather than head to Madrid, Wenger has decided to begin reconstruction of his midfield, starting this week. The love affair is over.

At Juventus, Vieira ironically links up with the same Milan manager that let him go, Fabio Capello.

“Vieira is a very important player,” Capello said after the announcement of the move. “At the heart of midfield, his presence is felt not only for his technical value but for his physical quality. Vieira brings something extra that new signings have to bring.”

Only time will tell if the decision to send Vieira back to Serie A is the right one, yet there is no doubt that the sale is something of a gamble. Sir Alex Ferguson’s faith in Roy Keane and preference of his tired legs over a host of younger signings that were meant to replace the Irishman shows that this particular breed of player can be harder to replace than any other.

Arsenal fans are divided in their opinions. The majority are in disbelief that their talisman has been sold, whilst another section feel the France international’s best days are behind him.

Newcastle’s Jermain Jenas and Julio Baptista of Seville are being touted as possible replacements. They won’t come cheap, though, probably at an even higher price than Arsenal have received for arguably the world’s finest defensive midfielder.

Madness? At Highbury they say, “Arsene knows”. It might be time for him to demonstrate that he still does.

Transfer news

Shaun Wright Phillips is headed to Chelsea and will link up with his new pals this week after a 21 million pound deal. Manchester City will target Fulham’s Andy Cole or Spurs hitman Freddie Kanoute with a portion of the funds, whilst handing the rest to the club’s long-suffering bank manager.

Everton have sealed the signature of Mikel Arteta from Real Sociedad, Igor Biscan has joined Panathanaikos from Liverpool on a free transfer, and Danish international Niklas Jensen has joined Fulham from Borussia Dortmund. Charlton have picked up Alexei Smertin from Chelsea and Manchester United’s American left-back Jonathan Spector on loan deals.

Celtic, having lost Jackie McNamara and Joos Valgaeren in the summer, are eyeing Chinese defender Du Wei. Finally on the continent Danish star Jon Dahl Tomasson moves to Stuttgart after several years warming AC Milan’s bench.

Where’s The Party?

Happy Birthday to the Pattaya Mail, celebrating its twelfth birthday this week. Whilst the newspaper contemplates the tricky teenage years and mood swings, this column is in its infancy and still screams for its mummy every two hours.

Still, maybe a look back at football twelve years ago is appropriate, but be warned that this might make you feel somewhat elderly.

Following the 1992/93 season an Eric Cantona inspired Manchester United had picked up the first Premiership trophy, their first championship in over 25 years, following Leeds who had taken the final Division One title the previous season. Runners-up were Ron Atkinson’s Aston Villa, whilst Mike Walker led Norwich City to a famous third place finish and headed into a memorable UEFA Cup campaign the following year. A young striker called Alan Shearer was also starting to hit the headlines at Blackburn after a British record transfer from Southampton.

Arsenal and Chelsea? Nowhere in sight at tenth and eleventh respectively. In fact the highest placed London side were Queens Park Rangers, followed by Tottenham. Finishing in seventh place were Sheffield Wednesday. How times change.

Newcastle United were promoted as champions of Division One thanks largely to the infamous Beardsley/Cole partnership, whilst Fulham finished mid-table in Division Two and this season’s Premiership new boys Wigan were demoted to the Division Three. Martin O’Neill, still making his name as a manager, had led Wycombe Wanderers into the Football League.

1992/93 was also a memorable season for Rangers, who completed a domestic treble of all Scottish silverware. The Glasgow side beat Aberdeen in the finals of both cup competitions and also relegated the unfortunate Dons to runners-up in the league for good measure. Heartless.


Geoff Wylie scores 80 to win the PSC half-century tournament

Pattaya Sports Club 50th Members Tournament

Regular Low Gross winner Jeff Wylie returned a gross 80 to win the A Flight in this month’s Pattaya Sports Club 50th Members Tournament. The milestone event too place at Eastern Star Golf Club on Friday, July 15.

Jeff Wylie (left), low gross winner - Flight A.

Competition format was broken down into stroke play for A and B Flights with the latter teeing off from the white tees. The C, D and Ladies’ flights took part in a Stableford competition.

Scores weren’t of their ‘normal’ calibre due to the Eastern Star course presented in fine and challenging condition.

The day started with a book in, as normal under the ‘eagle eye of Bernie Tuppin, where all players received a commemorative hand towel marking the occasion.

As to be expected the course was in fine condition, with little sign of this courses major problem, greens that are patchy. A fairly stiff breeze, and a storm circling the area, lashing out with thunder and lightning close by, unsettled the players; luckily it circled but passed by. Play progressed well, with scorecards being handed into to Bernie for tabulation.

Colin Cronin, C Flight winner.

Preliminaries over, Chris John PSC golf chairman, thanked all his helpers and sponsors on this special day. Alan Pearce got on with the Emcee work to announce the winners of the 50th Pattaya Sports Club Tournament.

In the A Flight, players hit off the Blue Tees, the Gross winner was Jeff Wylie with a Gross 80. Jeff is one of the better players and is a regular Low Gross Winner. In the a Net category and the winner was Frank Hughes with a net 76 on countback over Dennis Willet in Second, also net 76.

In the B Flight the format was similar, except they played off the White Tees. The Gross winner was Derek Bell with a Gross 85. The net winner was Gene Rooney, on countback over Perry McNeely, both with a net 75.

Saen Jaroenwong, low net winner receives her prize from Chris John, PSC golf chairman.

So to the C Flight and back to Stableford format. The winner was Colin Cronin with a fine 42 points, ahead of a countback for second on 38 points, won by Graeme Hisket with Alex Backlund in Third.

Derek Ball, B Flight winner.

In the D Flight the winners were in descending order of 1 point. The Winner was Carl Baumann with 40 points, ahead of Hans Rehm in Second with 39 points and Brian Rought in third with 38 points.

Now to the ladies: the Gross Winner was Ploy Thongpen with a Gross 81 off 11 handicap, whilst the winner of the net was Saen Jaroenwong with 43 points and second was Alice Ramsey with 41 points.

Few comments can be made about the technical prizes, but on the Long Drive I saw Dan Sell, off 36 handicap, hit a drive at least 100 yards past the long drives of the A, B and C drives. It was so far ahead; it was further than most people go on holiday. Suffice to say that after the wind being against all day, it changed to strongly behind, but that is golf. T.T.F.N.

Frank Hughes(left), men’s low net winner - Flight A

Results:
Winners A Flight Gross - Jeff Wylie; Low Net - Frank Hughes, Second Dennis Willett
B Flight: Low Gross - Derek Ball; Low Net - Gene Rooney, Second Perry McNeely.
C Flight: Colin Cronin, Second Graeme Hiskett, And Third Alex Backlund
D Flight: Carl Baumann, Second Hans Rehm, And Third Brian Rought
L Flight: Low Gross - Ploy Thongpen; Low Net Saen Jaroenwong, Second Alice Ramsey
Technical Prizes:
Long Drives: #4 Matsumoto Masayuki, Ali Kirkwood, Skip Sparkman, Dan Sell, Nora Haugsjordet.

Near Pins: #3 Dennis Willett, Derek Ball, Ploy Thongpen; #6 Bent Agerbo; #17 Frank Hughes, Ebrahim, Anita Lundberg; #13 Larry Ball, Darren Newman.

Long Putts: #9 Perry McNeely, Alan Gummer; #18 Ploy Thongpen, Jens Jorgenson

Ploy Thongpen, Ladies low gross winner steps up to the podium.


The Square Ring

by Howie Reed

With this issue of the Pattaya Mail it starts it’s second cycle. Twas 12 years ago when the ‘Mail’ first landed on the streets of this beachside community with more of a whimper then a scream. There was an old advert in America that proclaimed, “You’ve come a long way baby.” This baby, the Pattaya Mail, has come a long way and is still moving forward. From a minor pedestrian publication to the voice of the Eastern Seaboard. The Pattaya Mail moves into the next cycle with a full head of steam. Like a fighter that’s moving in for the kill the ‘Mail’ is the uncrowned champ and adding honors with every issue.

Just recently I was given the designation as a “Valuable Press Representative”. Kind of nice to be called something that doesn’t include four letter words that when used as a child was usually followed by a mouth full of soap. With my new found designation, “VPR”, I set out to find out why WBC Champ Pongsaklek Wonjongkam was not going to fight Jorge Arce when he defended his WBC 112 pound title on July 30. That evening in Las Vegas the main event is Christy Martin (45-3-2) against Lucia Rijker (17-0). This “Cat Fight” has been years in the making coming at a time when both ladies’ are on the downward side of the hill. “Yes they’re walking to music during the afternoon shift.”

Pongsaklek has been the WBC Champ since 2001 going 12-0 in title defenses. Last March Jorge Arce in a WBC Flyweight title eliminator stopped Hussein Hussein in 10. That was to give Arce the right to fight Pongsaklek. What happened? “NFI!” First I emailed the promoter Top Rank, Bob Arum, and was met with a wall of silence. Yes kind of like the old Maxwell Smart, “Wall of Silence”. So much for being a “VPR”. Then I scoured the boxing webs. Still no answer. So why no Pongsaklek and no title but a Jorge Arce (39-3) against Angel Priolo (30-2)? I did know that Angel Priolo got KO’d by Brian Viloria (15-0) so now fights for ...well something. Mystery solved. Kevin Iole who ply’s his trade for the Las Vegas Review Journal came up with the answer. “They (promoter, fighter, manager, wake me up before you Go-Go) could never come to terms financially. He (Pongsaklek) wanted a boatload full of money and given the girls fight is the main event and Arce is the Top Rank fighter, he (Pongsaklek) was well down the list.” Nice move guys. No more whining about no making big money. You had your shot and blew it. On the other hand as good as Arce looked being the Champ he is a former champ. The up side is I’m still a “VPR”.

One “maybe” getting a title shot is Terdsak Jandaeng (18-0), he’ll face former WBO Feather champ Joan Guzman (23-0) on August 26 on the White Plains of New York, NY. Guzman gave up his title to move up to 126. While not a “real” title shot it is an eliminator with the winner getting Scott Harrison for the WBO Belt... or not. Both are second tier feathers in a division dominated by those that “Sa Habla”.

Some of the local lads were busy with good results. #1 superfly Pramuansak “The Machine Gun” Phosuwan (28-0-1) took out the Philipine Fly champ Federico Catubay (7-6) in 7 via a TKO. He also keeps his WBO Asia Pacific superfly title for the 16th time and all the glory that goes with it. If the name Kaichon Sor Vorapin (16-7) rings a bell it should. Kaichon is “ the younger brother of current WBO bantam champ Ratanachai Sor Vorapin and former IBF 105lb king Ratanapol Sor Vorapin,” He won a cut shortened contest recently. The younger brother. The older brother is now promoted by Kokiet Group Promotions. Who cares? Kokiet Group Promotions.

IBF #11 featherweight Fahsung 3K Battery (47-7-1) has come back nicely from getting his clock cleaned by Manny Pacquaio last December. That one lasted only four rounds. 3K captured the IBF Pan Pacific jr featherweight title with a second stanza stoppage of Philipins Joel Escol (9-6). It was a battle of southpaw’s in which 3K had more energy in the battery. 3K’s promoter says, “he is in the right division. He can defeat many of the best 122 pound boxers in the world.” Easy for a promoter to say, he doesn’t get hit. Thai National Bantam champ Kumarnthong Poh Pluemkamal (6-7-1) lost 7 of his first 9 fights. When you start slow and then taper off many a faint heart would toss in the towel. Not Pluemkamal. He traveled to Japan coming home with the OPBF Crown after winning a majority decision over Jun Toriumi (23-5-1, 9 KO’s).

Now free of the onerous promoter who’s only interest was himself, Manny Pacquiao will be winging his way to America to train for his next fight against Mexican Hector Velazquez at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. This fight is part of the double dipper that also features Erik Morales-Zahir Raheem. The scenario has Pacquiao and Morales meeting on December 10 in Las Vegas. “Line them up,” Pacquiao said. “I am not afraid to face anyone. Bring them on.” With Pacquaio you have the feeling that he actually means it.

Boxing is about streaks both winning and losing. One began and two came to an end last weekend. In England 18 year old Olympian Amir Khan made his first professional fight a winning one with a second round stoppage of David Bailey (3-4). It’s the first step of what British fight fans hope will lead not only to a world title but stardom for the home grown hero. In Las Vegas Former Champ Wayne “The Pocket Rocket” McCullough (27-5) suffered the first stoppage of his career at the hands of WBC Super bantam champ Oscar Larios (55-3). As in their first encounter McCullough started fast but eventually was worn down by the bigger and stronger Larios. The fight was stopped upon the advice of Ring Dr. Margaret Goodman after trainer Freddy Roach first said, “Son I’m going to stop the fight.”

Bernard Hopkins was going for his 21st defense of his “Undisputed” Middleweight crowns. Hopkins hadn’t tasted defeat when he failed in his first attempt at the Middleweight title against Roy Jones jr. That was back in 1993. On a sweltering evening in Las Vegas Hopkins was facing US Olympian Jermain Taylor. The classic tale of the older champion forced to fight off the younger pretender. Taylor started off fast and held on to win a “questionable” split decision. Question in that the Square Ring had is 116-113 for Taylor. Two of the three judges also had it in favor of Tailor 115-113. On judge had it 116-112 for Hopkins. He must have stayed too long in the beverage lounge. Think I’ll join him.


‘Tie me kangaroo down’

PH3 - Run 1114

The Aussie run, it was clear that a lot of planning and effort was put into the run with lots of extra treats thrown in. I am sure I speak for the majority of Hashers that it was all much appreciated, a big thanks to the hares. A good a-site was chosen, not too far out with scenic views across the lake and the usual array of vicious insects attacking everyone. The GM, Flying Frog, called the circle and proceeded to christen the new shoes followed by the hares on in to explain the run. Golden wallabies are cached for collection, take only 1 and the run starts here, our hares informed us. Some guys with inside information head off and soon we hit paper. The run had plenty of checks and false trails to keep everyone together and good running for the FRBs including Spag Head, Seaman Stains and Miserable C. to blast off at breakneck speed. The first runners were back after 30 minutes with the remainder following fairly close behind.

On returning to the A-site, there were tasty sausages on the ‘barbie’ and everyone is in good spirits. The GM called a circle and the hares proceeded to do some sort of aboriginal booze dance while playing didgeridoo, boomerangs, sticks and a swinging rope thing then taking their seat on the ice, were joined by a late comer whose disrespecting arse felt the chill of the bucket. A good run was declared by all and the Hares explained that their authentic hand carved and hand painted Australian instruments are going to be auctioned in aid of Care for Kids. There was frantic and slightly confused bidding to follow with an outcome of 19,000 baht going to KY Kev. Jai dee maak maaak. The collectors of the golden wallabies, myself included were called in to claim our special prize, which was to have our buttocks chilled.

Jailbait on in to conduct the raffle where there are extra prizes provided by the hares. Fini the Faggot won 2 prizes and is iced for his good fortune while his Virgin Jason, gets cooled off in the bucket for a false call. Uncle Fester after realising his prize contained a free trip to the bucket, promptly discards it taking a t-shirt and was iced for his troubles.

The best dressed Aussies were called in by KAM with Cl*t Face winning, VV second, Rocky third and Ringworm and F. Dog as runners up, all were rewarded for their efforts with t-shirts and inflatable animals.

Leavers were called in for a drink and P*ss Poorer took a seat for being a lying leaver. Knob Marley was invited to test drive the new “F’d up hat” for his efforts regarding last weeks events with the hot dogs at TQ2, where along the line it was realised that he is actually a hero but gets to drink anyway. Returnees were next in and Lord Lucan rides the ice for being a lying returnee or was he just not listening?

The circle was handed over to bad RA Festering Streaker, who first dealt with the hash shits and hash trash. Spag Head was rewarded for wearing his insignia by losing it to Retard W*nker who received double hash sh*t for not wearing his and is then ordered into the bucket for drinking too slowly. Fini the Faggot was reprimanded for not wearing his hash trash hat and his backside is bound for the bucket after it is discovered there was an issue with a false call in the raffle. Jason gets revenge on his sponsor. Lord Lucan was called in next after it was discovered that he caused the mix up in the US grand prix by using their tyres as new soles for his trainers. T4 was next due to his financial advice to his teelac the previous week being of a thrifty nature in his favour. A’s A-hole took a seat and was questioned over his whereabouts last Thursday. He claimed to be in Taiwan and his rock solid alibi Lord Lucan confirms this. A 1 minute silence followed with respect to those killed and injured in last week’s spineless terrorist attack on London.

The GM took charge again and welcomed the virgins and visitors to our hash followed by the anniversaries. All Aussies were called in to chill their cheeks along with the Irish. Bazil was treated to a spell in the bucket for being a lying Aussie, claiming to be born in UK. The hares were promptly allowed to stand as they had a song for us and are duly replaced by the Belgians, as it was Flemish day. The musical extravaganza that followed was entitled “My poo ying wont come back” which went down well with those seated as it was not too long.

The good RA Sir Chicken F. began his circle with a disappointed Chicken Nugget getting his revenge on Apples Turnover, who had promised to take him to see the new batman film but didn’t. 2 people with less than 500 runs were caught sitting in the circle and promptly iced for their crime and it was also discovered that they were French. They got off lightly if you ask me. Bottomless Pit was called in for the heinous crime of losing 3 bottles of beer whilst moving the beer truck. Fortunately it was only tiger and not 2 crates as was originally thought so he got away with a double down down. John and Angela were next to sit down as it was discovered that they were about to get married. That is normally enough in itself for some ice therapy but John had been caught down Walking Street that little bit extra. Flipper was next in to thank her for cooking sausages.

The hares came back in to perform a rendition of the crowd pleaser “What the **** is hash?” and remained in to finish off with the hash hymn before we headed off back to the Scandi bar, where the food was delicious as usual and those who came back were well behaved. An excellent evening’s entertainment was had by all.
On On,
Cabbage Head



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