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Book Review: The Funniest Thing You Never Said
by Lang Reid
 A
rather large book caught my eye this week, while perusing the Bookazine
shelves. The Funniest Thing You Never Said (Random House, 2004, ISBN
0-09189-766-1) has been compiled by Rosemarie Jarski, who admits to being
suspended from convent school for narrating risqu้ jokes in the
chapel. Her book is a large collection of jokes and witticisms, and even
risqu้ in places, so the suspension did not teach her much! Apart
from that, there is not much more that Ms. Jarski reveals, I’m afraid.
The almost 550 page book is divided into sections, each
of which has further sub-sections. These include Humanity, Sports and
Leisure, the Natural World, Arts and Entertainment, the Word, Science and
Technology, Society and Politics, Nations, Universe, the Body, the Brain
and the Mind.
In the introduction, Ms. Jarski suggests that this is
the book to stop you being caught verbally flat-footed at an important
gathering. “The smart remark, the snappy comeback, the sharp one-liner
would always be there at your fingertips” is the promise, and indeed the
smart remarks, snappy comebacks and sharp one-liners are all there, but
unfortunately not in a rapidly, instantly downloadable format. The book is
too large to fit in a jacket pocket, and indeed would need a medium to
large plastic bag from Tesco-Lotus to make it portable. Hardly the item
worn as a fashion accessory by the deliverer of rapid repartee. But that
is really the only downside of this book. It certainly is a wonderful
resource, though I would personally prefer a hardcover imprint, if one
were to be keeping it on the shelf. The contents are well itemized and it
also has an index of witty contributors at the back. Ms. Jarski has
decided that the index should indicate the person who spoke the lines in
some TV series as the originator, which is not quite strictly correct, as
it is the scriptwriter or gag-writer who should get the credit, not the
talking head. However, semantics aside, it is a good effort from the
compiler.
It would be hurtful not to let a few of these gems on
to this page, so try these for size: “A woman’s rule of thumb, if it
has tyres or testicles, you are going to have problems with it” (Ella
Gough); “Lord of the rings is simply unreadable, and for me that always
sort of spoils a book” (Will Cuppy) and that has to be the book
reviewer’s ultimate expression of despair, “I was once so poor, I
didn’t know where my next husband was coming from” (Mae West), and
finally “I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in
20 minutes. It’s about Russia” (Woody Allen).
At B. 450 off the shelves at my local Bookazine outlet, this was a
cheap week of laughs and giggles. For anyone who has to give speeches, it
is a reference book to keep handy, and for someone who likes to drop
anecdotes in the pub, it is the ideal resource manual to keep hidden, so
that your friends think you are genuinely an original wit.
Mott’s CD review: Badger - One Live Badger
 Badgered
by Mott the Dog
Swizzled by Ella Crew
3 Stars
After ‘The YES Album’, their 3rd, the members of
YES cast their beady eyes around and set their designs on the
multi-banked keyboards of the Strawbs’ keyboard player, a certain Mr.
Rick Wakeman. To make room for the new keyboard wizard, the old one had
to go. Therefore, with undue haste, founding member Tony Kaye was dumped
from the line-up. (YES had once before done that, after their second
album, when founding member guitarist Peter Banks was unceremoniously
kicked out of the band to be replaced by the more manageable Steve Howe.
Not a nice thing to do.)
After two more albums another founding member in the
shape of drummer Bill Bruford would leave. However, to be fair, he
jumped rather than being pushed. This left YES with an everlasting
reputation for having a revolving door style line-up. Very rarely have
two consecutive albums been recorded with the same line-up. At one time
in the early nineties there were actually two line-ups touring under the
YES banner, and then they all (eleven of them to be precise) combined
for one ridiculous tour and album.
After being dumped by YES, Tony Kaye first set up his
keyboards with old cohort Peter Banks of Flash and helped them record
their first album, the self-titled ‘Flash’ (1972). After the
recordings were completed, Tony realized that Flash was actually Peter
Bank’s band, and perhaps it would be better if he went on to set up
his own band under the Badger moniker. After a handshake the pair went
their own ways; however, unlike many of the other past members of YES,
Tony and Peter have remained friends to this day.
Bassist David Foster was the first to be signed up,
having come to Tony Kaye’s attention when he was playing with Jon
Anderson of YES in a band called the Warriors. Next to join was one of
the true warhorses of rock drummers, Roy Dyke. He had previously been
with Remo Four; Family; and represented one-third of Ashton, Gardner,
and Dyke, who had scored a worldwide smash hit with ‘Resurrection
Shuffle’ in 1971.
The fourth member to join was a very young Brian
Parrish on lead vocals and guitar. He proved to be a very good addition
as he arrived with a bag full of ideas for songs as well as having a
guitar style that was vastly different to anything like Kaye’s former
band styles, therefore lessening the comparisons.
Feeling that the band might be left behind in the
fame stakes if they didn’t get an album out on the record racks at its
earliest opportunity, the Rainbow theatre was booked for two concerts in
mid December 1972, both of which were recorded for a live album; a very
novel idea for a debut album. When the album was released in early 1973,
it came in a gatefold sleeve designed by Roger Dean with pop up badgers
when you opened the artwork. With a blaze of publicity from their label
Arco Records and the gimmicky artwork, the album broke into the bottom
of the top thirty in both America and Great Britain. Unfortunately, that
is just about the last of the good news for this Badger. After early
good sales they soon dropped off.
The music was competent, proficient even, but
certainly not startling enough to keep the public’s interest, even
though some of the guitar/keyboard duels are extremely exciting. There
are only six songs on this album, but it still clocks in at a very
respectable forty-two minutes. Closing song ‘On The Way Home’ has
one of the heaviest organ introductions you are ever likely to be lucky
enough to hear.
On the downside, the songs all tend to sound a bit
the same, which I believe is due to the band not having had enough time
to bond sufficiently before going into a studio, where they could of
perhaps worked out some better song structures. At least it would have
allowed them to get to know each other’s strengths before unleashing
them on the public. The other huge glaring mistake was the lack of a
front man. Although Brian Parrish’s singing is not bad, it certainly
is not good either.
By the end of the first tour Parrish and Foster were
let go to be replaced by ex-Stealers Wheel guitarist Paul Pilnick and
Roy Dyke’s old band mate Kim Gardner. The search for a front man was
settled with the addition of Jackie Lomax, a very charismatic and
talented soul singer, but definitely not the man to put into what was
supposed to be a rock band. This was definitely a classic case of
“wrong man, wrong place”.
The band then went into the studio to record the
studio album ‘White Lady’ (1973), with all the songs written by
Jackie Lomax. With so many influences within the band - rock, funk,
soul, reggae, jazz, pop, and to top it all a progressive rock keyboard
player - the music released upon the public was some of the worst ever
to be released by a major label. Fortunately for those involved, the
band had already disbanded in disarray by the time of its launch, so no
embarrassing post mortems had to be endured. What a sad end to a great
idea. Even so, the first album has its moments to remember Badger by,
but you have been warned about the dreaded ‘White Lady’. You don’t
get the pop up badgers with the CD release either, what a swizz.
Musicians
Tony Kaye - Keyboards
Brian Parrish - Vocals and Guitar
Roy Dyke - Drums
Dave Foster - Bass Guitar
Songs
Wheel Of Fortune
Fountain
Wind Of Change
River
The Preacher
On The Way Home
To contact Mott the
Dog email: [email protected]
Website: http://www.mott-the-dog.com
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