Heart to Heart: Hillary becomes an ajarn


Hillary becomes an ajarn
Dear Hillary,
I read the newspaper (pattayamail). To improve my english skill. I like your column so much. Some question is interesting (about road). Not only tourist, but me too. Your suggestion are good for all question.

I think your column can improve my English skill better than.

Thank you for good column.

Yours sincerely,

Dear Nok,
Thank you for brightening up my day! OK, today’s lessons: “English” always has a capital letter, and it should be “Thank you for a good column”!

Keep up the good work, it will be worth it in the end.

Carer wanted. Apply within
Dear Hillary,
Further to the discussion as to who to take on board for a companion later in life, and where to find this person, I have the answer. One of my acquaintances has a companion, which he calls his “carer”, and that is really what the older gentlemen want. Bouncing around at bed time isn’t so important any more, and taking an overdose of the magic blue tablets is dangerous as can be seen what happened to a pensioner in Chiang Mai. A very unhappy ending. Instead of advertising for a partner, the older chaps need to advertise for a carer. Then she will know what is wanted and he will know what to expect.

Dear Jez,
You have obviously thought about this, and on behalf of all the old age pensioners I thank you for your input, Petal. I also imagine that you are a pensioner yourself, and I hope you have found the right carer.

Waiting for Windows 12
Dear Hillary,
I have taken two days to get this email to you. Have you had to change your computer recently? All the shortcuts and neat ways of getting around are all changed, but have directions that you can’t follow unless you are a computer geek. I’m not and I’m about ready to throw this thing out the window. Do you know of any teachers who can show me how to check emails, find my friends on face book and write short documents?

Dear Steve,
You are obviously not Steve Jobs, mainly because he is dead, as well as being computer literate while he was alive. Look, Petal, there are many schools that teach computer, and a trip to Tuk Com in South Pattaya will give you lots of choices, but ask around with your computer savvy friends first. When you find a good one, let me know as I did have to change my computer recently and Windows 10 I think refers to the number of tries you have to do something to find what you are looking for. And then there is that communication devise called “books”. Could be worth your while to invest in one.

Tanning lotion Vs Whitening cream
Dear Hillary,
This might sound silly but listening to the radio the other morning, I heard a panel discussion with African-Americans all upset that white people looked at them differently because of their skin color. Is it like that in Thailand?

Dear Max,

The biggest selling cosmetic in Thailand is whitening cream, because all the brown girls want to be white. The big seller in Europe is tanning lotion as the white girls want to be brown. Taking that a bit further girls with curly hair want it straightened and those with straight hair want it curled. Add to that the other day I heard a survey which said that one in five ladies in Pattaya are transgenders, so nobody wants to be what they really are. It’s a mixed up world as Ray Davies sang in the song Lola:

“Girls will be boys and boys will be girls,

It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola.”

Move over Oprah
Dear Hillary,
I enjoy your bits each week and the advice is right on, too. Somebody wrote in a few weeks back that you should get a raise from your editor and I reckon so too. You are doing a public service so you should get the top dollar. All the ones in the US like Oprah get big money, so should you. Keep up the good work.

Dear Hugh,
Aren’t you just the nicest man! Comparing poor little Hillary with the mighty Oprah! However there are some differences between us, you know. She’s in America, for one! You worry me though, when you say you “enjoy my bits” each week. What “bits” are we talking about here? Some of my bits are never discussed here in the column. This is a family newspaper Hugh. As far as a raise is concerned, I’ll show your letter to the editor, but he’ll just laugh and say I made it up.

Now it’s RAMS as well!
Dear Hillary,
Every time my computer breaks down, after I get it back several days later but when I go to use it, something else has packed up. “You haven’t got enough RAM,” seems to be the catchword even after buying more, the problems are still there. Any ideas, Hillary?

Dear Frazzled,
You’re lucky it’s only a RAM problem. I’ve bought a veritable sheep station of RAMs and now they’re telling me it is my operating system. Bring back faxes, I say. I could understand those.