Heart to Heart: The Demon Drink again


The Demon Drink again
Dear Hillary,
Every time my husband goes out with me, to dinner or even to a pub, he drinks too much. This would not be too bad if he did this quietly, but he is a most aggressive drunk and picks fights with people all the time. Some pubs have even barred him which leads to even more brawling. Even that would be tolerable if he knew how to fight, but he just brawls in a drunken manner and always comes off second best. To be honest, Hillary, he is hard enough to put up with when he is sober, but in his cups he is dreadful. It really is a case where you can only take him anywhere twice – the second time to apologize. This is doubly difficult for me as I do not drink alcohol, mainly because someone has to be sober enough to drive the car home, especially now the police have the roadside checking machines. What suggestions have you got, Hillary? There must be something I can do, surely. This problem has been going for five years.

Dear Amanda,
This is a common problem, so there’s lots you can do, Amanda. First off you could send him to the gym for a boxing course so he could learn to defend himself a little better. Though if your man gets quite legless with the drinking, perhaps that wouldn’t work either. How strong is your relationship? You could refuse to go out with him if he is intending drinking, which sounds like all the time. You could take up drinking yourself and try beating him up. However, I think that after five years of this you should be able to take a stronger stance and tell him to shape up or ship out. Nobody has to put up with that sort of nonsense any more. Don’t you either. Does he drink beer or champagne? If it’s the latter and it is a good vintage, I might even take on his rehabilitation for you.

A husband with the wanders
Dear Hillary,
What do you suggest should be done with what I am sure is a wandering husband? Probably because of the unending opportunities that there seems to be for the men-folk here (but none for the women it seems), it must be a temptation to wander. I have caught several of my friends’ husbands out on more than one occasion at some beer bars, and I am sure that mine is just as shameful in his leisure hours. Any idea, Hillary, on keeping up with the wanders?

Dear Wander Wanda,
Seriously, I think you are a little off the mark when you say you have caught these wandering husbands out at beer bars. Sitting there drinking and laughing with the staff, or in flagrante delicto? There’s a big difference, Petal. You are also wrong when you say there’s nothing for us ladies, but then perhaps the real reason for your letter was to find out where we ladies can go for laughter and libations as well. Ask the wives of the wandering husbands you follow and you will find out. What were you doing wandering around the beer bars anyway? Finally, if you’re worried about his wandering and not finding his way home, then get him a map!

It’s Hello Sexy Man again
Dear Hillary,
Why is it when I sit down at a bar a girl will come up and ask me what is my name, where do I come from, whether I am here on holiday, where I am staying, whether I am married and how many children I have, and how much money do I have? This list of questions seems to be the same, no matter which bar I drink in. Do these girls go to some “Bar Girl School” or what? Surely there must be other ways of striking up conversations?
Puzzled Pete

Dear Puzzled Pete,
What would you prefer, Pete my petal, the girl say “Khun choo arai?” You have to remember your bar room companion is having to speak to you in a foreign language. How many “set phrases” do you also speak in foreign languages, like “Khun mee Singha, Khrap?” It is the same for the girls. They pick up some set phrases and go from there, and honestly, finding out your name, marital status, job situation, location, dependents and bank account details isn’t such a bad way to look at whether the relationship has a future or otherwise, is it? Let’s not waste time – let’s find out in the first five minutes. They are only doing their job as best they can. Perhaps you are right and there should be a Bar Girl School of English and Deportment. Or perhaps you have been watching too many re-runs of My Fair Lady. Remember there are plenty of other places you can drink without company PP, if it really annoys you. Take home a bottle of Chang. Pattaya has more than a few bars, you know. Well there was last time I looked. And I almost forgot, there is a handy pocket-sized book called English for Bar Girls. Available at the next pub near you!