Heart to Heart: In the Garden of Eden again


In the Garden of Eden again
Dewar Hillary,
If you knew the usual interpretation of biblical propaganda it was not until “after” the discovery of their nakedness, shame and expulsion from the “Garden of Eden” that they even knew to have intercourse. (“God” in his kindness and mercy at least promised the woman that she and her kind would forever afterward have great distress in childbirth….which had yet to ever happen….)  The tempt was in the attempt at an apple.

A big bad snake (unattached to Adam) was the culprit and the hero of the piece for without him no ancient Hebrew would have ever thought of writing it down.  It is possibly significant as the first “Red delicious” moment.  Shortly after this the price of apples went up and they had to invent money and temple taxes.

Dear Robert,
You are the perspicacious one are you notThe Old Testament explained in just a few linesWe should be ever so gratefulReminds me of when Moses went up the mountain to get the commandments and came down with 99 stone tablets, to be immediately sent back up the mountain and told to negotiateA week later he returned and proudly announced he had got the list of commandments down to 10.  “Only one problem,Moses said.  “Adultery is still on!”

Here comes the divorce lawyer
Dear Hillary,
My Thai wife tells me every night that she is going to divorce me.  The reasons are far too great in number to bore you with, but my problem is not the thought of impending divorce, it is the fact that she never gets any further than saying it is going to happen.  How can I get her to either stop the threats, or just go ahead and do it?  There must be other things that husbands and wives talk about, not just threatening divorce.  Or is this “martial” bliss after all?  What is your advice, wise Hillary?

Dear Roger,
A few weeks ago one writer was asking about communication between men and women, and I wrote that for some people they think that the art of good communication is to shout louder.  I think one of you needs to shout louder as there is something awry here.  Have you thought that it is time to talk?  Perhaps you could try that so next time when she threatens divorce, shout louder and tell her to either get on with it or give up talking about it.  If that doesnt work, you can always get divorce papers drawn up and when she threatens divorce, whip out the papers and say, Sign here!”  Lots of luck Roger, I think youre going to need it.

No French champagne – Italian Prosecco will do!
Dear Hillary,
I have noticed that you spend much of your column appealing to your worried fans to send you champagne and chocolates.  Do you think this is fair?  These people have problems and you dismiss them with a “send chocolates and champagne” answer.  What is it with you and the chewies anyway?

Dear Perplexed,
You young people are all the same these days wanting an answer for everything and no waiting.  Some things are just written in the stars, my Petal.  I suppose you also want to know why the earth is round, when the simple answer is just because it is!   Likewise with Hillary and my chocolates.  

Now, for having read your letter, Perplexed, thats one chocolate bar.  For replying to it thats another.  Remember that not everyone is like you, my little enquirer.  That lovely man Jack Wild, who wants to build me a Grand Hyatt Erawan in the front garden of my townhouse dropped in a beautiful bottle of New Zealand wine the other day.  Thanks Jack.  Jack knows what lifes about, Petal!  Even if he is a kiwiYoull get there too eventually!  And no grass at the front please.

The Satand sisters
Dear Hillary,
Having given a young lady, who works in the local hostelry, some shelter for one night because it was raining, I now find that when I drop in for a beer and a chat, all the other girls rush off and get Miss Wunnite Satand for me, even if it isn’t raining.  This would be fun if I actually wanted to chat to this young lady, but there is another that interests me more.  How do I get over this problem and get to speak to the one I want, not the one the others want me to see?

Dear Chuck,
I wish all the questions were as easy to answer as this one.  The way around this is to be honest and tell your Ms. Wunnite Satand (lovely name, isnt it Im sure you didnt make it up) that you would like to speak with her sister Ms. Neksnite Satand and could she bring her over and heres 100 baht for your trouble.  She will understand and cooperate fully.  If you have tipped a little heavily before, then be prepared to double the finders fee.