Heart to Heart: Short back and sides


Short back and sides
Dear Hillary,
I’ve met up with a nice girl, well she’s 37, so not really a girl. She’s gone up country for a few weeks and we have been in touch by message. She tells me that she misses me and is looking forward to getting back to Pattaya, and I miss her too, but I wonder about whether she means it. I did meet her in a bar, but she said she was service, not for bar fine, if you know what I mean. She is up country doing a course in hairdressing so it’s not a Thai husband thing, and she sends me photos of her in the salon. What do you think, Hillary? Should I keep going here, or run for cover because of her past? (I bar-fined her to start our relationship.)

Dear Stuart,
Your lady is no youngster. Answer this: so why is she working in a bar? I would be very careful if I were you my Petal. Don’t fall in love, though it sounds as if you have already! If she were actually working in a salon it would be a better indication of what she wants in life. Just make sure you are not paying for the course and an apprenticeship down here.

Bar fines on way up
Dear Hillary,
Did you know that when they aren’t shut down for another coronavirus scare, some bars are charging B. 1,000 as bar fine for the honor of taking Miss Wunnite Satand out of the bar? Killing the goose that lays the golden egg I reckon. The number of tourists is already down and this will knock them further down. How can you find out first? Don’t you think they should have the prices on a board? After all, they do it with beer prices.

Dear Gerd,
I’m not a great frequenter of girly bars, Petal, but I have seen notices on the walls. Perhaps you are too dazzled by the young ladies? If there isn’t anything posted on the wall, then do what every red-blooded man would do – ask the girls, or the mamas and you can make up your mind nice and early.

A maid a-lao-d?
Dear Hillary,
I have been offered a maid for two days a week at my house. She has been working in Pattaya before, but her boss is cutting expenses. They are talking about 6,000 baht a month as salary, but I am worried as she is a Lao person, not Thai. What should I do next?

Dear James,
I presume you are here as an alien, and if you want to legally employ another alien, you might find it is difficult and time consuming. The salary asked for is top money too. There are plenty of deserving Thai people around, as times are tough. I’d let the offer go, if I were you, Petal.

Beer glasses again
Dear Hillary,
The other night in the bar we had a discussion whether Thai females are romantic. I say that they are, but my drinking buddies all say not. They said that all they are interested in are large amounts of gold, and the larger the better. The other thing Thai women want is food, best every two hours and eaten on the floor. Surely there are still some gals out there who appreciate roses and chocolates (apart from you, Hillary)? I need you to back me up here, Hillary. Or have I got a far too romantic side of me?
Rose (but I’m male!)

Dear Rose (but I’m male),
Such a lovely name, and chocolates and roses are nice, but I prefer champagne and chocs. Of course there are romantic ladies left in Thailand, other than myself. It sounds to me as if your drinking buddies are looking for ladies from the wrong watering holes. The professional ladies who come to the surface with the sick buffalos in tow are certainly only looking for gold. That is their business, their profession (and an old one at that). And gold can very easily be exchanged for cash, the universal language. However, by looking in the universities, offices and even department stores, you will find ladies who appreciate being appreciated. You are correct, Rose. Your friends are taking too narrow a sample to base their findings. You don’t have rose colored glasses. Your drinking buddies are looking at life through beer glasses.

High wire acrobats with no safety net
Dear Hillary,
Well here we are in 2022, and how many farangs are going to throw themselves off high buildings this year, after finding that their absolute gem was only interested in their money? Would you like to have a small wager as to just how many? I’ll say one a month, that’s 12 for the year. Just why do they do it?

Dear George,
Why do they throw themselves off high buildings? Because the train service is only once a day at a most inhospitable time! No, I won’t take you up on your wager as it might only encourage some of them. My Petal, it’s all a bit sad really, and I don’t think you should be making jokes about it. It would be better if you started something for the farangs as a support for them in their time of extreme need. Think it over.