I say, Old Chap!


Dear Hillary,

After many, many great holidays in your beautiful country I have decided to come and retire there.  I think somewhere in the north might suit me as it is not so hot as down the southern end.  Could you advise me on the possibilities of purchase of a suitable abode, and how do I get the requisite visas to stay there with you?  I always read your column and enjoy the advice given out so succinctly.

Sir Francis

Dear Sir Francis,

Don’t come the ducks and drakes with me Petal.  Do you honestly think that Hillary can represent the Thai Immigration office and give you visa advice?  And you certainly wouldn’t be staying with me, Sir Franky, no matter what kind of visa you have, so you can get that out of your head for a start.  Mind you, if you’re arriving with a topped up credit card in your wallet, I can certainly help you run it through a couple of ATM’s.  Of course you can buy a suitable abode, as you put it, but that is the province of the real estate agents, not Agony Aunts.  Give me a call after you’ve settled in and the champagne is on ice.