Heart to Heart: The dangers in bus travel


The dangers in bus travel
Dear Hillary,
As a Thai woman, please tell me why Thai women are so tactile? When I was on a long distance bus, a Thai lady rubbed my hairy arm. Another time a Thai lady rubbed my aquiline nose. Yet another time while sitting at a bar, a Thai lady rubbed her leg against my thigh while saying, “Pay bar,” even though I had already paid for my drinks. Is social distance a non-Thai concept?
T. Feeley

Dear Feeley T,
There’s nothing more sexy than a hairy arm or an aquiline nose and an invitation to fill the cash register at the local bar. I think you should not travel by bus ever again, or you may find yourself crammed into the smelly toilet by a lady with an arm fetish. Likewise, get off the bar stool and go to another den of iniquity where you might not get asked to pay someone else’s bar bill, but with your gorilla arms and aquiline nosey Parker, it is going to be a tough time ahead. Is it correct that you called your daughter Ophelia?

Save the Sucker campaign
Dear Hillary,
How many of the people who write to you are genuine? Many of them are amusing, but rather unbelievable. Just how dumb can these people be expecting that a bar girl is going to repay any money “loaned” from the unsuspecting bar fly. For one they haven’t got any money to repay the loan and even when they do get some money it is spent on a party for the other ladies in the bar. The other amazing thing is the tourist who sends money back to a bar girl whom he had as a companion for two weeks, so he sends several thousand baht each month, so she doesn’t need to work in the bar any more until next Xmas when the sucker comes over to the arms of his girlfriend who has been patiently waiting just for him (and a couple of blokes from Germany and one from Sweden). If these are true, how do you keep a straight face?

Dear Jello,
I kept a straight face while reading yours my Petal. I don’t think you are trying to join the Save the Sucker campaign, I think you are recounting your own follies with the ladies of the night. What must never be forgotten, is that many of these girls (some are grandmothers) join the bar scene because they want to, they are not under pressure. What would you rather do? Bring in the rice under the hot sun, or bring in the IOU’s which will never be paid. And of course, better than a loan is the monthly “salary” where she doesn’t have to do anything other than write a short thank you email. (It was so much harder and expensive in the days of stamped envelopes.) This is where the Mamasan’s are so important. It is they who give sparkling references for their staff and help the newbie tourist “select” his companion for the duration of the holidays. To then promise to send a monthly salary. How much did you send, Khun Jello?

Sad old duffers?
Dear Hillary,
Generally speaking I think it is the older guys rather than the youngsters that need the warnings about Thai girls. Most youngsters do not have an accumulation of wealth to be taken off them or the funds to ‘build a house in Isaan’. Sure they might get stung for a few lady drinks but hey that is the learning curve. The sad old duffers that end up believing that a twenty something lovely find their fat bald 60+ body attractive are the ones that REALLY get stung. Unfortunately there is no cure for stupid!

Dear Chris,
I agree with much of your sentiments, but remember that the young bloods have monthly wages coming in, while the 60+ group are trying to exist on a monthly pension, which does not go far these days. I think that calling them “sad old duffers” ignores the fact that the girls can brighten up the elderly punters lives. Most of them do know their time is limited, so they are enjoying what they’ve got left.

Look out for the wealth hazards
Dear Hillary,
There are so many things for a tourist to do in Pattaya, why does any older chap just frequent the bars (of which I am told there are several thousand). Or don’t they have any sense of adventure? I’m not suggesting elephant rides but there are many places to go and explore, even the beaches south of Pattaya and islands off the coast. A BBQ on the beach is fun, and sure take a poppet with you, but just remember that she is for today. There will be another just like her tomorrow. The tourists just need to be reminded, like the warning on cigarette packets.

Dear Godfrey,
What should we put on the cigarette packets? Warning: Opening your wallet can be a wealth hazard. There is a big difference between scams and tourist attractions. If the tourists want to blow a few thousand baht, let them be. They will be back again next annual holidays.