How much do you pay a ‘guide’?

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Dear Hillary,

I am after some advice.  I am here for two weeks next month and since I have been here before, I know the bar ropes (I think).  I will be going to Koh Samet for at least a week and will take a young lady with me as a guide.  What I need to know is how much should I pay for the service?  I don’t want to look mean and stingy, but I want to use my holiday money wisely.  What is your suggestion?

Leroy

Dear Leroy,

I think you are trying to pull my leg.  You honestly think you are going to contract a young girl from the bar and you call her “a guide”, and you don’t know how much that will cost?  If you are as knowing as you say you are, then you would know that ‘guides’ are released from their place of employment by paying a sum to the management.  That management will tell you exactly how much the rental for guides is this week.  There will also be a matter of private negotiation between you and your guide on top.  Have a great time in Koh Samet, and don’t get lost.