Dear Hillary,
I get confused with all the holidays in Thailand. Every month there appears to be some sort of public holiday, and even all the western holidays seem to be celebrated as well. We have had the western new year, and there’s the Chinese and Thai versions as well. There’s the Buddhist holidays and the royal ones we’ve just had. The office girl is forever doing something for another “Buddha Day” and rolling up late. Have you any suggestions as to how I can work out when the next holiday is due?
Confused Charlie

Dear Confused Charlie,
Have you ever thought of looking at a Thai calendar, my Petal? I’m sure there must be one hanging on a nail in your office. I don’t know, you men appear to be getting thicker and thicker. Now send chocolates before I get annoyed!

Dear Hillary,
Once a week I have a night out with the boys from work. Usually this means I get home in the wee small hours (early closing time these days with the BiB around) and sometimes I am a little the worse for wear by the time I get home as a couple of the lads are top drinkers. My girlfriend is starting to crack up a bit about this one night a week. I reckon she is being unreasonable, as I used to get home even later before the crackdowns in the past year. What can I tell her to make her see that this is just harmless fun with the lads and is a break for me from family responsibilities?
Glen

Dear Glen,
I want you to change roles with your girlfriend for one night. She is going to go out with the girls from work and is going to come home at something past three, decidedly the “worse for wear”. In other words, very drunk. Are you going to sit back happily and let this happen every week? Will you happily sit at home and not wonder where she is? Will you sit there calmly watching TV soap operas about cheating husbands and wives (that’s all there is on local TV) and not worry? Or are you going to crack up about it? It is only Scottish stags that are the “monarchs of the glen”. I think you should reconsider your responsibilities to the young lady. And some people told me that chauvinism was dead! My Petal, it is neither fun nor harmless. Think about it. Take her with you next time.

Dear Hillary,
With all these men writing to you to say how they have been tricked or cheated in Thailand, perhaps it is time to say that not everyone has a hard-luck story to tell. There is another side to the coin. Certainly there are differences between Thai women and European/American women, but that is part of their charm. There are also differences in culture, so to say that looking after sick or needy relatives is an imposition means that the man does not understand the “family” culture here, as opposed to the selfish culture of “me first” above everything else, which is the usual situation in the west. Nar and I have been together for fifteen years and I support our children and one from Nar’s previous marriage. Certainly the relatives stay with us when they are in town, but it is a small price to pay, offset by the pleasure that Nar gets while they are here. I think many of these men who write to you are selfish in their attitude, and they bring the end results upon themselves. To those men who complain about all the problems they have, I say treat the Thai women with consideration, respect their culture, this is their country, not yours and you will be rewarded with a deep and satisfying association.
Ex GI Joe

Dear ex GI Joe,
It pleases Hillary very much to see there are some men over here who are prepared to admit to and respect the fact that they are guests in this country. Sure, there are societal differences as this is not America, this is Amazing Thailand. Fitting in as ex GI Joe has done is very much better than trying to mold the women and the customs to your western ways. As ex GI Joe writes, you will be rewarded. By the same token, you should carefully choose your life’s mate, slowly and thoughtfully, just as you would do when looking for a mate in your own countries. One night of passion is not the basis for a strong and lasting union, something many of you appear not to have understood.

Dear Hillary,
How many chocolates and champagnes did you get for Xmas/New Year/birthday/Buddhist Lent and all other calls by you begging for them, and do you really think you deserved them? Let us into the secret.
Chuck

Dear Chuck,
Of course Hillary deserved them! Having to put up with sarcastic people like you all year is enough to make anyone need a little sweetener. I notice you didn’t send any! You still have a chance, Petal!