Side saddled
Dear Hillary,
I love the way the Thai girls sit sideways on the rear of motorcycle and wonder where did this custom come from? China adopted bicycles, but Thailand seems to have adopted the motorcycle. Do you know why this is so, and also when did the Thai girls start to ride pillion in this strange way? I must say I have never seen one fall off, but I suppose they must. Any answers are appreciated.
Peter Pillion

Dear Pillion Pete,
China, I believe, adopted pedal power because of financial reasons, but the Thais have always been better off and adopted the gasoline engine for boats, cars, trucks and personal transport (motorcycles) very early. The art of riding sideways came long before the nasty two strokes from Japan hit our shores as Thai women have always been very fashion conscious. Figure hugging sarongs and skirts are not new. They were wearing them over 100 years ago, and try slinging your leg over a buffalo in a tight skirt, my Petal. No, you can’t, so they sat side-saddle on the buffaloes. Sitting side-saddle on a motorcycle was a very natural progression, otherwise the skirt would have to be hoisted around the waist to get on. Something you men wouldn’t mind, but something us naturally shy Thai woman would not countenance. Take a look at the clothing the girls are wearing. Tight skirts means side-saddle, while jeans means sitting astride the nasty, malodorous device. “Do they fall off?” the simple answer is yes they do, but not because they lost their balance. They only fall off when the rider (or the person nominally in control of the machine) loses balance, and down the four of them go, including the two girls sitting opposite each other, but still side-saddle.

Genuine love in the bars?
Dear Hillary,
You keep on saying that we chaps should get out and find women that don’t work in the bars because that’s no good. How come I know at least half a dozen couples where she came from the bar and here they are donkey’s later still together and doing fine? Shoots you down in flames, I reckon, old girl.
Jason

Dear Jason,
Far from shooting me down, Jason my Petal, there’s far more than six people write in to me with the tales of disasters, demons and dead buffaloes. What you young chaps forget is that the ladies from the bars are actors. They get paid to give a good performance, and they do it night after night, often with a different audience as well. That’s why they are so popular. On the other side of the coin there is precious little genuine emotion in the love for sale outlets, and that’s why the relationships can be so disappointing.

What’s the next step?
Dear Hillary,
I’ve met this woman in one of the big centers, where she works in a shop. She always waves to me and if I stop she’ll chat. There’s about four women working there, but I never see any customers, so I don’t know how the place stays open, but it does. At least a couple of times a week she’s not there and the other girls tell me she’s gone home for a few days. I’d like to get it on with this woman, but there’s so much I don’t know, it holds me back. What’s the next step, Hillary?
Pete

Dear Pete,
You’re not wrong when you say there’s so much you don’t know. You sound completely wet behind the ears, my Petal. You shouldn’t be allowed out without a nanny. Just stop to think for a moment. How does she survive being away from the job for so many days a week? Time to open the eyes and have a bit of a reality check. Forget her. Find one with a real 9-5 job for six days a week.

Another unhappy shopper?
Dear Hillary,
I see a lot of girls in my local shopping center, and many are quite nice. I see them resting on the seats. I know you say we older farangs should stay away from the bars, but will I find Miss Right in the shopping center? Or do I have to lie about my age (I’m a pensioner) and go back to university? What should I do? I’m getting tired of being lonely.
Lonely Lionel

Dear Lonely Lionel,
What shower did you come down in, my lonely Petal? Must have been the last one. Will you find Miss Right waiting on the bench for you at the supermarket? No Lionel, you will only find Miss Take there. Mistake if you talk to her and Miss Take all your money by the time you reach the checkout counter. These are freelance girls who can disappear very easily and you will never find where she went or came from (other than Aisle B next to the hot dog counter). They are more dangerous than the girls from the bars. At least Hello Sexy Man bar will still be there tomorrow, and the mamasan knows the ID of her girls.