Heart to Heart: Let’s talk this over


Let’s talk this over
Dear Hillary,
My Thai GF talks all the time. I can hardly get a word in edgeways. She is always going on about what would I do if a) b) or c) were to happen. When I’m in the car I can never get her to stop, even when I say I’m busy in the traffic. Do all Thai women yak yak so much?

Dear Reg,
I’m sorry I can’t really reply to your email because I’m talking to the girl next door… Come on my Petal, you know what Thai women are like. Tell her you’ll give her 500 baht if she stops talking for 5 minutes. Or go into another room, and tell her why. That is the easiest question I’ve had to answer all week.

Salary for a Mia Chow
Dear Hillary,
Money again. She’s a great girl and I like her a lot and she says she would be happy to come and live with me. I almost said “Let’s go.” But she followed that up with, “How much you going to give me?” Do they all expect to be paid? I mean I would be supplying everything – home, food and suchlike. She has a good job in an office so wouldn’t need to pay out for a living and eating. And then wants an allowance on top. Is this usual in this country?

Dear Will,
Have you ever heard of a Mia Chow? That translates into a “rented wife”. She is just using you as a free meal ticket no doubt ’till someone with more money turns up. Not to be confused with a “Mia Noi” who is a rented girlfriend (but you pay the rent anyway)! You get nothing for nothing in Pattaya.

Buy me how
Dear Hillary,
This query comes from a farang thinking about buying a house and land up country. I know it’s supposed to be impossible, but my lawyer says it can be done through a company. My GF could hold the majority of the Thai shares and if I have 49 percent then between us we can have the majority. My GF suggested that this is how to get around the 49/51 split. I am looking at a place up-country in the GF’s village, and she says that her parents know the lawyer and the local authorities and it will all go smoothly. Does all this sound OK to you, Hillary?

Dear James,
On one side is the newbie and on the other are the GF, the GF’s parents, the GF’s village and the lawyer and local authorities. You are running head first into a trap my Petal. Your 49 percent is nowhere near worthwhile against the other side which is stacked against you. Buy some running shoes, of which you can own 100 percent, and get out of there now.

Freewheeling Pattaya
Dear Hillary,
Money problems seem to be the story this week. A Skandi loses 787 million on BitCoin. How much money do you have rolling around without a home piggy bank to put it in? Relax, I can help you and lighten the load. Those thousand baht notes can get quite heavy. Especially when there’s a few hundred thousand up for grabs. A few hundred thousands has more buying power than the warm feelings that “love” will bring you. You want some wise words on how to live in Pattaya? No problem, just stay indoors, don’t answer the door bell, don’t drive your car (if the police don’t get you, then the motorcycles will) and don’t walk on the footpaths during the day, and finally don’t walk on the footpaths at night. Other than those small restrictions, Pattaya is still the freewheeling city it always was.

Dear George,
That’s not Soros is it? Sorry, my Petal, I don’t understand BitCoin or Block Chains or this strange thing called ‘Cryptocurrency’. I just wish I could find these hundreds of thousands of Thai Baht to stuff in the piggy bank, but being an Agony Aunt isn’t a money tree. Not even a sapling.

The BS Duck test again
Dear Hillary,
I hear that one of your readers wants to apply the British Standard (BS) Duck Test to all women. “If a bird looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.” He must have really lost a lot to be so bitter. All women are not the same. Thai women are not the same as western ones and bar girls are a different species altogether. He should stop feeling sorry for himself and get out and enjoy the company of the ladies in the bars. That’s what they’re there for. You don’t have to buy the entire library when you want to read a book.

Dear Jimbo,
Despite the 50 percent divorce rate in many countries all women are very obviously not the same. I’m not like that for one. I agree that if you want a ‘good time’, the good time girls are there to give it to you. It should also be understood that a beer bar is not a marriage agency. I have said in this column many times that you don’t go into a hardware shop if you are looking for a piece of cheese.