Heart to Heart: Beware of “friends”


Beware of “friends”
Dear Hillary,
One of the blokes I have a beer with is always telling us what a great Sheila his wife is. They’ve been married for a few years, but we know she’s got a bit on the side. We’ve tried to make him look beyond the tip of his old feller, but no good at all. What should we do now, Hillary?

Dear Bluey,
You must be an Aussie and Aussies are known for being straight to the point. So here you are, Petal. Bug out. You are not your mates keeper. You dont know what his domestic situation is like. Just be there if or when he asks for help, otherwise forget it.

It’s the old cheese in the hardware shop again
Dear Hillary,
My Thai GF has been with me for a few months. I bought her out from the bar she was working in which made her very happy, and me too. Only problem I have with her is I can’t take her anywhere “good” as she wears bar clothes and gets a lot of attention from other men. You know the kind of dresses, very tight and short. I tried to get her to buy a new wardrobe but she buys the same things from the motorbike shop. Sure they are cheap, like about B. 200, but they scream “bar”. Any suggestions?

Dear Ricky,
Yes I have a suggestion. Run. You wanted a sexy lady in the first place by taking a bar girl home, and now you dont want her to look sexy, in case some other guy likes her too, reading between the lines. You get what you pay for, Petal and you bought a bar girl, not a HiSo fashion model. If you want to buy cheese you dont go to a hardware shop.

Some love-sick swains still throwing money away
Dear Hillary,
I know you’ve been asked this before, but how much is the bride price these days? I am sure, like all things, it gets more expensive in time. Background details, she is 25 years old and the family live in North-East Thailand, but she works in Pattaya as a cashier. Her mother looks after two young children, but she says they belong to her sister, though she does help by sending some money each month. She has worked as the cashier for six months, but had to take a month off as an old friend was coming over from the UK.

Dear Jack,
Please go to the nearest mirror and check to see if the word suckeris on your forehead. Sometimes I dont believe you people. Why didnt I meet someone like you? Here in a nutshell is your situation. “Cashier? Not very likely, but will stand down from the bar to help when the real cashier is sick. Unless, of course, there is an old friend coming from the UK that she will have to look after as well. Two children being looked after by their grandmother and she contributes to their welfare. She is 25, what has she been doing before stepping in as the cashier? Have you met the sister? How is the buffalo? And her brother after the motorcycle accident? Jack, my Petal, is obviously short for Jackass. Have you tried the Phillies? You have spent enough money here already.

Full of booze at 3 a.m.
Dear Hillary,
Every week there seems to be a report of some tourist being ripped off in some way or other, gold chains physically ripped off, drugged after “coffee”, accomplice under the bed and so forth, and this happens round about three in the morning and the victim is drunk or stoned. What rock do these people climb out from under? If they shuffle down the street with a skin-full of booze in their home town at three in the morning what will happen to them? They will get rolled. So why do it here?

Dear Elwyn,
Completely correct, go to the top of the class. An intelligent topic at long last. At least these rockdwellers arent wanting to pay for a dowry as well.

Yes Officer, can I help you?
Dear Hillary,
There seems to be an increased BIB presence since the New Year. Any ideas on what we can do about this? I’m starting to feel like a fugitive any time I go out on the bike. Makes no difference that I am wearing a proper helmet, I get stopped, check under the seat and no sorry or anything. Sure, stop anyone without a helmet, the road toll is the worst in the world and mainly motorcycles, but to pick on everyone doesn’t make tourists want to come back here. I believe many of these traffic checks are revenue raising for the BIB.

Dear Gert,
I can understand your feeling. I even get apprehensive riding my bicycle, but I rarely get on to the big streets and stick to the little side sois. I believe what many drivers do is to have 500 baht in the wallet for the checkpoint. And ensure the bike registration is current, your license as well and visa current.