Heart to Heart: Helmets again!


Helmets again!
Dear Hillary,
Bit of daft advice that one Hills, keeping the crash helmet in the shopping basket at front of the bike, this blocks off the headlight from oncoming traffic. I get peed off nearly crashing into motorbikes because I can’t see them coming because they have no front light, only to see as they pass that they do have lights but they are completely obscured by bags of shopping. Most of us have had M/C accidents here, I broke several bones by driving into a large pothole, thought I was superman taking off, but I was wearing a good helmet so head ok. Now I drive a car.
Mr. John

Dear Mr. John,
Can’t you see I was being sarcastic when I wrote, “Thailand is very hot and helmets are hot to wear, so the best place for the helmet is in the wire basket up front.” Goodness me, my Petal, do I have to write (humor, 5555) after statements like that? (And for those overseas, the number 5 is spoken as “ha”, so 5555 is Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!) And despite the obscured headlights on others, you managed to have an accident all on your own when you did not see a pothole. The biter bit, I believe is the phrase. Anyway, I am glad to hear you are back to your observant self, and stay away from motorcycles!

Somebody loves me!
Dear Hillary,
I think I have timed this right to wish you a Good New Year. Thank you for all the fun and tongue in cheek replies, especially to some of the more stupid questions you get. I don’t know why you don’t just tear them up (or is it hit the “delete” button these days)? Anyway, have a safe and happy new year.
Eddie and the boys in the Gulf

Dear Eddie and the boys in the Gulf,
Thank you for making my Friday, Petals, and yes you timed it perfectly to get into the last edition for 2021. It went so quickly. Did you find it the same? Shame that you have to spend the New Year’s Eve on a rig, but think of the money you’ll get, and the headaches you won’t get

Facebook or Faced off
Dear Hillary,
Ever since my wife found Facebook, she spends hours and hours and hours glued to the computer screen. She says she has to reply to friends and last time I looked she had 3,985 “friends”. That’s impossible, she hasn’t met 3,985 people in her life. She’s only 30 and that makes it about 140 a day. Friends are people you go down the pub with, not people you’ve never met who bob up in a computer. How do I get her to stop this nonsense?

Dear Frank,
I’m sorry to say but there is nothing you can do about it, other than forgetting to pay the electricity bill! Facebook is very popular and it allows people to communicate with other “friends” all over the world. I understand what you mean about “friends”, but you just have to get used to a different meaning of the word these days. Mind you, I get the feeling that your nose might be a little out of joint – are you feeling left out? Get yourself a Facebook identity and secretly correspond with your wife. You never know what you might find!

Somebody is a happy camper
Dear Hillary,
Year after year, I see and hear many lonely, ignorant, old, fools complaining about Pattaya’s bar girls and freelancers. But can you really blame them? Can you imagine yourself shaking (sic) up (shaking or shacking, I wonder?) with someone who is 15, 30 or 50 years older than you are and expect to be happy? What do they expect? Thai girls, well as all girls in the world want to be with someone their own age and not someone who can be their father’s or grandfather’s age.

Thailand and especially Pattaya attracts some of the worst quality tourists and expatriates in the world. Albeit, we do have some good “dirty-old-men” here who treat these girls and women nicely and gets along fine.

So stop whining. We have a good thing going here and enjoy Thailand while it’s still affordable.
Happy Camper

Dear Happy Camper,
Oooh, I must meet your friends! Are all of them alcoholics, druggies, perverts, pedophiles, psychos, delinquents, criminals, crooks, losers and loners? No wonder you have such an attitude. I would too, surrounded by all that lot! However, getting back to your letter, I wonder if it should have been “shacking up” rather than “shaking up”? Although I suppose they can almost be the same thing! In actual fact, the old adage is very pertinent here, “You get what you pay for!” So if your motley lot are happy to pay for the pleasures, knowing there is no permanence being offered, then let them continue, and ignore their complaints. By the way, not all the farangs in Pattaya are “alcoholics, druggies, perverts, pedophiles, psychos, delinquents, criminals, crooks, losers and loners”. I met a very nice chap the other evening. I just can’t remember his name!