Taking a ticket for the lottery of life

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Dear Hillary,

Why is there so much in your Agony Aunt column about love-sick, spurned and hopeless men?  Don’t they understand that all of life is a lottery and there’s only a few winning tickets.  When you don’t win this one then you line up again for the next lottery – after all there’s plenty of lotteries and plenty of tickets in this country!  I buy a new lottery ticket every week and I’m enjoying every one of those tickets and one will be a big winner one day.  I know I’m younger than most of your correspondents so I’m well aware that I am more of an attraction to the Thai women than they are, but you only live once, as they say!  These hopeless guys should just get off their asses and stop moaning and get on with life, but I suppose for most of them they are really past it, so all that’s left is to write whingeing letters to their Agony Aunt Hillary.  These guys should just accept the fact that the world belongs to the young.  Don’t you agree Hillary, or are you past it too?

Larry the Lottery player

Dear Larry,

Don’t you think you are just the cat’s pajamas, my Petal.  I am so glad you admitted that you are a youngster as it helps explain your arrogance.  We were all young once, and in the next few years it will just be a memory for you too.  Your cock-sure attitude will mature, as you mature.  Normal men have emotions, just as do normal women do.  That is why men write in with their emotional problems.  It’s a bit of a release for them.  That is what these sorts of columns are about, my precious Larry.  However, you do show me that you also are a loving person, Larry, unfortunately it is only for yourself.  Have you ever thought about changing your name to Narcissus?  I am sure you can’t walk past a mirror without checking your reflection either.  Ever heard the expression “You’ve got tickets on yourself”?  Well you certainly have, and it’s not all lottery tickets.  Your time is coming Larry the lottery lover.  Now please go outside and play with your toys.