After saving hard for the last three years, I have been on an extended holiday here in Thailand for the past six weeks. I have enjoyed your beautiful country very much, but I will be going back to my own country in two weeks time. What made it even better was I had a beautiful guide and non-complaining companion up-country girl who I found in a bar in Pattaya who has been with me for all that time. I know all the stuff about bar girls, but she has been constantly with me for the six weeks, and she has been great. I have looked after her well in return including a weekly allowance of 15,000 baht for her to spend on anything she wants. I don’t ask. It’s hers for services rendered, if you know what I mean. I would like to give her something when I leave for her to remember me by, and can you suggest something that she will like. Please keep the suggestions within a reasonable budget. I am not a Cheap Charlie but it is the end of my holidays.
What do you really expect me to say, my Petal? Are you mad? Or have you been drinking too much local brew? You want her to remember you, so why not buy her a house, a car, a motorcycle and a year’s free veterinary treatment for the family buffalo? You’ll be able to get all that for under five million. And since you don’t want to appear as a Cheap Charlie, throw in a house for Mamma and Papa as well. That’s another 800,000 baht as houses are cheap up-country. Chris, come down from the clouds, you have had the services of what we call a ‘mia chow’ (rented wife) for the past six weeks, for which you have already paid 90,000 baht for the six weeks which is well above the going market price. She will remember you by whatever you have bought her until it has been converted into folding currency (“He was the nice farang man who bought me this gold chain which I am now taking to the pawn shop”). Enjoy what is left of your holiday and spend your money on yourself.