My Dear Hillary,
You jumped right on my malapropism ‘campain’ which was incorrectly spelled on purpose. I know I have caused you much work on your spell checker and am so solly. Butt, your attack on my abbreviated moniker KOTW (keeper of the WOW) was questionable.
Do you ever read this paper? Do you read the mail from KOTO (keeper of the ocean)? He has stolen a slogan that is actually a reference to an acient (sic) Japanese stringed instrument that is used today. Being that his quest is to get left over cigarette butts off the beach so it doesn’t gag the wildlife (katoyeys after dark?), he should be forced to change his slogan to KOTB: Keeper Of The Butt. I have had enough exposure to the overused ‘WOW’ exclamation that I will now suggest that adverts use the word “SEX!” to grab the pubics (sic) attention. I will also unleash a campain, (sic) for your sake, on the radio and TV announcers and hawkers of merchandise that don’t know how to pronounce “PATTAYA”. “PATTY-YA”. Before you get deported for repeated Pat ty ya, etc. listen to a Thai TV broadcast of the news and get it right!
Dear KOTW (aka Singha Jerry),
I am glad I have given you something to do with your time, between Singha beers, in looking up esoteric information. I am sure you also found that the Japanese koto is similar to the Chinese guzheng during your ‘Googling’, neither of which are played in your adopted city of “Patty-ya”. And while we are on about your pronunciations, just where did you get “katoyeys” from? The more usual English spelling of the Thai word is “katoey” as it is a transliteration (feel free to look it up, my Petal). I am also quite sure that your use of “pubic” rather than the correct word “public” was just an involuntary Malapropism, but never mind, it ended up quite apt. However, “acient” for “ancient” doesn’t quite cut it, I’m afraid. Please say ‘Hello’ from me to you other friends on the steps of the 7-Eleven.