Massage at the urinal?

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Dear Hillary,

In many of the bars and clubs (and I don’t mean the ‘gay’ ones), when you go to the Gentleman’s toilet there will be an attendant standing there.  Just when you’re about to relax the old bladder muscle, some of these chaps will quietly come up behind you and give you a back and neck massage while you are at the urinal, and I just do not like this at all.  The majority of my male friends I talk to feel the same, so why do the owners continue to let this happen?  There are some clubs I have stopped going to because of this attendant thing.  What’s your advice, Hillary?

Willy

Dear (another) Willy,

You are asking the wrong person, Willy.  This problem is one that I have absolutely no direct understanding of, my Petal, I can only guess.  I haven’t even peeked around the door of any gentleman’s toilet!  Us girls do it sitting down, if you didn’t know.  As far as what to do?  I am sure a simple “Mai ow, khrap” (no thank you) would be enough.  If that doesn’t work you can always pee on his foot, rather than on your own, as it seems to be at present!