Looking for the good oil


Dear Hillary,

I think my Thai wife is two timing me.  When I go off-shore I leave my motorcycle in the garage.  Being a British bike, I expect some drops of oil on the garage floor, but recently, on the last two trips, the garage floor is oil-spotless.  The only way this could happen is if someone has taken the bike away while I’m off-shore.  Is my wife giving it away?  If she is, why doesn’t she tell me about it?  Or does she have a Thai boyfriend waiting till I say goodbye every month?  Why she would do this is beyond me as I give her everything she wants, gold chains and everything.  I really cannot think of any other reason for the garage floor to be so clean.  Do you think the seals have taken up, or what is happening?  Is there another logical answer?


Dear Bazza,

Sorry to disappoint you, Petal, but none of your suppositions are correct.  I am told that seals don’t “take up” while a bike is not being used.  The seals dry out and the leaks become far more, well that’s what Somchai, the leader of the motorcycle push on the corner of my street tells me.  Somchai also tells me that you should check the odometer – the thingy that tells you how many km you have done.  That will tell you right away if the bike has been used.  Anyway, the more likely reason that there are no tell-tale oil drops is the fact that there is no oil left.  Check that first before doing DNA tests on the saddle.

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