Is this a take-home pack?

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Dear Hillary,

I am only here for a short holiday, so I hope you can answer me quickly.  I have fallen in love with a Thai girl and don’t know what to do.  She works in a bar, but she had only just come down from her village “up country” this week.  She makes friends very easily (all the other girls in the bar seem to know her) and speaks very good English.  I would like to take her back to the UK with me when I go next week.  How do I go about this?  Will she come with me (I haven’t asked her yet)?  Do I need to ask her parents’ permission to take her overseas?  Please hurry with the reply as I haven’t got much time left.

Starstruck

 

Dear Starstruck,

You have an entire lifetime ahead of you, not just next week.  How old are you, my Petal?  15?  16?  Your girl is not a newbie (“all the other girls seem to know her,”) and you don’t learn “very good English” up in Nakhon Nowhere.  Simple answer my Petal, is to leave her where she is, where she is happy and has lots of friends.  Don’t send her money, and grow up a bit more before your next trip to Thailand.  It’s not the place for you.