Heart to Heart – July 31 – August 13, 2020


Dear Hillary,

Loved the genie joke about understanding Thai women.  What I would like to know is it just as hard for Thai women to understand foreign men?

Also Perplexed

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Dear Also Perplexed,

No it is not the same situation, Petal.  The Thai women just accept you as you are and don’t try to understand you.  How many times have you been told, “You think too much,” by a Thai lady?  That is because they don’t waste time trying to fathom out cross-cultural enigmas.  After all, there is no point, is there?  Just enjoy yourself and don’t deliberately upset anybody.  When you can do that, then you are part of the way towards understanding, but always remember that the more you know, the less you will understand.


Dear Hillary,

I wanted to take out this girl from my office.  I suggested dinner at a very good restaurant and when I asked where should I pick her up, she said that she would meet me there at the restaurant.  When she turned up (late) she had another girl with her and we ended up eating as a threesome, with me paying of course.  They chatted to each other all the way through the meal and all but ignored me.  They both ordered the most expensive dishes on the menu and couldn’t eat all their food and insisted on being given doggy bags to take home.  I was going to run them home, but they said that they were going clubbing and said good night.  What is the score here, Hillary?  Am I being taken for a mug, or what?

Will the wallet

Dear Will the wallet,

I am afraid that the girl from the office, on whom you had designs, does not regard the association with you as deep as your hopes for a liaison with her.  Look at the big picture, Petal.  Even though it is common for Thai girls to bring a chaperone in the early stages of a relationship, the disregard for you and the expensive orders and going clubbing and not inviting you does not look like someone trying to impress you, does it?  Put it down to experience, Will, and probably try to evaluate any relationship a little further before jumping in with invitations to expensive restaurants.


Dear Hillary,

I have visited Thailand many times over the past three years.  Fortunately (more by good luck than good management) I have avoided the bar beer female traps, so am almost a virgin if you like in Thailand.  My credit card has never left my wallet!  This time I am coming over for six weeks and I am wondering if there is some sort of agency I could apply in to get a nice, non-demanding partner for the holiday?  Does this exist in Thailand?  No hurries for the reply, I won’t be coming out till March next year.



Dear Vic (the virgin),

It’s time to reach out and face reality, my Petal.  You want a non-bar girl, who is willing to drop everything for six weeks and make your bed and polish your shoes, no doubt.  Just where are these wonderful women who might fit the bill for you?  Yes, there is an agency that will supply your needs and wants at short notice for the duration of your holidays, and that is called “your local bar”.  What other women are going to drop everything to wander around after you, picking up whatever you might drop?  Get real, Vic.  I can certainly see why you are still a virgin.  You probably have the first shilling you ever made as well.

Dear Hillary,

This is a very personal question, but please don’t take it seriously.  Why do the Thai girls all wear those molded plastic and rubber bras that look like two dumplings attached to the front of their chests?  It is obvious that the lumps don’t belong to them, but come from their bra manufacturer.  I’m like a lot of guys and like a nice pair on a girl, but real ones, not rubber ones, please.

Tim the T-man

Dear Tim the T-man,

I presume you mean that your name refers to Tim the Toyman, you naughty little Petal!  I must admit that I have never heard the girls in the lingerie shops asking if madam would like one lump or two, as I have heard in some five star restaurants over coffee.  Perhaps something swinging is going on behind the kitchen swinging doors that Hillary is unaware of.  Dearie me!  And talking about doors, since Thai girls were standing behind the door when the chests were given out (the Russian ladies made it to the front row followed by the Italian Mammas on row two), we have to do something to catch the eye of Toymen like you, Tim.  Some of us have had to resort to rubber dumplings, while others of us have managed to get an appreciative man, like yourself, to sport out for silicone ones.  But even the dumplings have to be more attractive than the two fried eggs.  And so you have discovered our secret.  Please don’t tell everyone, that’s a good boy, but just save up the money for your girlfriend’s cosmetic surgery.