Heart to Heart – April 9, 2019

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Eating as a SE Asian games event

Dear Hillary,

My Thai GF no sooner finishes eating than she’s ready to go again. She’s as thin as a rake, but eats all the time. Her mates are all just the same, finish one round and they’re ready for the next. It gets me, I go out after the third course. What’s the secret, Hillary? Is it something they learn at school?

Wondering

Dear Wondering,

Is that “wondering” or “wandering” I wonder? What do you do between courses four and five? No, Petal, eating is more than just a meal for your Thai GF, it is a very social time when friends can get together and share the food. Yes, we learn that at school. That can occur at any time of day or night, but the food they eat, such as the favorite som tam is not high in sugar and calories, so that’s why your GF remains thin. The chilli also hurries the food through the system. As the TV program warns “Don’t try this at home!” The real som tum can be far too spicy for foreigners.

 

10,000 baht vision of loveliness

Dear Hillary,

I’ve been a bit of an idiot I think. Now I need your advice urgently, Hillary my Petal! I know I should have known better, after all I am not new to this country, but there I was at my usual bar and met this vision of loveliness. She spoke very little English but seems like a very genuine person and we got along just fine. She comes from Nongkai, but that’s about all I managed to find out about her after about four hours and several “lady drinks”. The biggest problem was only that she doesn’t speak much English, but we got by OK. By the end of the night I was pretty drunk and I ended up lending her 10,000 baht, which she was going to return three days later. It’s now a week later and I haven’t heard from her. What should I do? Should I go back to the bar and ask for my money? Should I keep going, or should I give up now before I get in too deep?

Nelson

Dear Nelson,

You’ve got the telescope to the blind eye. Haven’t you! After four hours of lady drinks you give this “vision of loveliness” 10,000 baht. How were you communicating with your poor vision? It wasn’t English, according to you, so I presume it must have been in Braille. That is 10,000 baht you will never see again. But look at it this way – there is a very grateful buffalo up there in Nongkai, thinking about you. And by the way, I am not your Petal, Petal!

 

Here we go again

Dear Hillary,

I wrote to you before, a couple of years ago, and you were correct about my Thai GF. Well she’s gone now, and I should have listened to you earlier. This time I want to make sure I don’t get ripped off, like last time. This time I’ve taken my time and let the relationship build up slowly. She knows I’m not ready yet, but she always sits with me at the bar, and she tells me that she doesn’t go with any customers now we are steady. It feels good, Hillary, but what should I be doing next? Once bitten, twice shy as they say.

Greg

Dear Greg,

What should you do now? Simple answer to that one, Petal. Run! Run away as fast and as far as you can. I went back through my files and you are doing exactly the same as last time. Cuddling up at the bar is not the basis of a good relationship. You are looking at hooking up with a “hooker”. How many times do I have to tell all you smitten chaps that the cuddles at the bar are part of their “work” and not emotion. This time, listen more carefully!

 

Looking at life through beer glasses

Dear Hillary,

My Thai girlfriend is perfect in every way, but one. When we go out for a beer she gets very ‘teary’ after a round or two and rehashes all the bad things that have happened to her in the past. As far as I am concerned, what’s in the past is in the past, so let’s not cry over spilt milk, as they say. She sees it this way too, until she’s had a skinful and then it’s back to the tears again. This then means no nooky for me that night. Have you any ideas what I can do to get her over this?

Greg

Dear Greg,

You men are all the same. Beer and sex, sex and beer. Don’t you think of anything else? Have you tried not plying her with drink? Beer is neither a stimulant or a muscle strengthener, but is a depressant and a muscle relaxer (ever heard of brewer’s droop). Neither of these items are good for your nocturnal pursuits, you know. Try sticking with soft drinks for the little lady – and a few for yourself won’t go astray either!