Heart to Heart



Dear Hillary,

I read on a blogging site about a Thai bar girl who went to the UK and then stole her child away from the husband and went to live in a village up-country.  Does this happen a lot?  Surely it is against the law?



Dear Amazed,

Don’t be amazed, my Petal.  Remember the difference between unlawful and illegal – one is against the laws of the land and the other is a sick bird.  There are also differences in the laws between the UK and Thailand, and also differences in the ways the laws are applied (vigorously or otherwise) and ways to circumvent those laws.  It is also dangerous to be too sweeping with the description of the mother as being a “bar girl”.  There are too many such stories going around the ‘net community, but with no guarantee of actually being factual.  When two people break up, irrespective of their race or the country they are in, it is sad.  Breakups occur in every country, so it is not a “racial” phenomenon or an “occupational” phenomenon.  I would treat most items you read in the blogosphere as being amusing fiction, rather than ‘amazing’ information.


Dear Hillary,

Thank you for giving us the brighter side of life in Thailand.  We certainly appreciate the Thai smiles you bring us.  For me, it is certainly refreshing to see Farang / Thai marriage success stories.  Yes, there are many who share in the wonderful experience of being married to a Thai woman.  It is the same as for any other prospective long term union irrespective of nationality – yes, there are many differences in culture to overcome and the cultural rules are not quite the same.  But a good Thai woman with some education and a sensible Farang man who can listen and try to understand can match just perfectly – it is after all only the fool and his money that are soon parted, but parting with a little here there occasionally to help the family is expected and is not so bad, is it?



Dear James,

You certainly make much sense, but I wouldn’t restrict the eligible Thai women to those “with some education”.  There are many women in Thailand who have not had a complete education, but this does not mean they are stupid, or untrustworthy in any way.  In a good partnership, both the man and the woman can learn from each other.  Both culturally and educationally.  Both grow together and are more likely to stay together.  And you are correct, some family assistance does not need to cost much, but helps in crossing the cultural divide.


Dear Hillary,

If the Thai women are as grasping as it would seem, reading the letters on your page, how come they are still in the business?  Surely if they were all that bad, word would have gotten out by now.  I get the impression that they’ve been given a bad name and it has stuck.  Sure there has to be a few rotten apples, but am I correct that the bad ones are a small percentage only?



Dear Puzzled,

It is not correct of me to comment on the bar girls as a group, but there is certainly a good percentage of them out for what they can get.  Certainly these are the ones whose men ‘friends’ end up writing to me.  Provided the male holidaymaker understands the ground rules, everyone is a winner.  But it is the men who mistake financial arrangements for romance who fall for the “I lub you too mut, tee rak.”  There are enough books out there, there are enough internet sites out there about this side of a Thai holiday, and the heart-rending advice from yours truly as well.  Nobody should be puzzled, Petal.  Not even you.


Dear Hillary,

I have become friends with a couple of Thai girls through Facebook and we are contacting each other every day, and they seem to have excellent English.  I have never been to Thailand but I am now looking at a holiday there.  Both the girls say they want to “look after” me when I come over.  This is a bit of a problem I think.  I don’t want to disappoint one of them, and honestly I don’t know which to choose as they look drop dead gorgeous in the photos.  Any suggestions?

Facebook Fred


Dear Facebook Fred,

I don’t know just how old you are, but I’ll guess at late teens or early 20’s.  It would seem you are not aware of the way Thai women work, especially at long distance.  Would it surprise you to know that there are not many Thai women with “excellent English” who are using Facebook to meet foreigners.  I also suggest that you take the photographs with suspicion as well.  They might indeed be drop dead gorgeous, but then on the other hand, that might not be their own photo.  Please do come over for a holiday, but keep your options open, and I would advise that you do not let either of them “look after” you until you have become more aware of the dating scene in this country.