Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat

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Dear Hillary,

Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat – where are you going for Christmas dinner?  And may I suggest that you be my guest.  I have been reading your column and its good advice for many years, and this would be a way I can repay you.  Just say “yes” in your reply and I will get in touch and take you to wherever you want.  At my expense, Hillary.

William

Dear William,

Oh my goodness me, you’re not Willy Windsor of Wales are you?  Have you broken up with Kate already?  No, William, a lovely and very tempting suggestion, but for me to remain impartial, it is necessary for me to refuse your kind offer.  I am sure you can find someone a little younger to be your date for the turkey and roast tatties, but thank you again.  You are very sweet and I hope a nice girl finds you soon.