Advice with the entry stamp


Dear Hillary,

A propos the legions of farang who get themselves into so much trouble with bar girls, I have an idea, but you (you dear old sage, you) must help.  You see, my idea is that an agent be appointed to man every arrival gate in the country, where he/she will hand out free copies of your column’s archives, with sincere urgings to read same and be armed!  Thirty years ago I was one of the new arrivals, and I painfully recall how much I didn’t know, and just how good so many of those girls are at parting a farang and his $$$, thus how helpful a good dose of “Hillary” may have helped.  I avoided the problems, thankfully, and my Thai wife and I have been together for most of those 30 years (with 3 kids as evidence), but I had some luck with it all.  Thousands of farang aren’t so fortunate, poor sods.


Dear Jimbo,

You have the makings of a wonderful idea there, but the execution of it is flawed.  An agent at every arrival gate is a great idea, but they would need to be paid for their time, my Petal.  I suggest B. 100 per person.  Now, the next problem comes in “where he/she will hand out free copies of your column’s archives.”  Jimbo, my pearls of wisdom cannot be handed out free, like a brochure for a condominium.  I would need at least B. 500 (see, I’m not greedy) for each one.  This then makes it an extra B. 600 for every farang entering the Kingdom, and is a cheap investment.  But will they pay?  Farang are known to leave common sense behind as the bar girls line up at the arrivals gate to tempt them.  Think it through a bit more and get back to me, Jimbo!  We can make money out of this, and help newbies at the same time.  A win-win situation!


  1. For Hillary –
    Well, old girl, I’m flattered that you seek my further advice (“Hillary” 2 Aug.) re those unguided missiles disguised as single farang men rushing into the ever-welcoming clutches of Thai hostesses.
    These men aren’t stupid (well, not all of them, anyway), just dangerously ignorant about the world-beating money-hoovering efficiency of the system they’re falling into via the charms of these beautiful creatures.
    And so to the handing-out at arrival points and paying-for of “Hillary’s Heart-To-Heart Handy & Helpful Holiday Hints (with Jimbo’s relevant notes added, free”).
    As Thailand’s economy floats on the cash left behind by these guys, so are the economies of their home countries adversely affected; an appropriate contribution by these governments would invest in the welfare (economic and emotional) of their citizens. Contributions to you and me, my sweet. (Think Moet and Pol Roger with Beluga, by the pool. And that’s just breakfast.)
    To ice the cake, advertising! – prospective contributors such as boat tours, property lawyers, bars-for-sale, motorcycle-rentals, jet-ski hire, STD clinics etc. come to mind.
    Enough talk, my dear! To the printer’s, and don’t spare the champers!
    Your partner-to-be (possibilities are endless!),


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