A hair suit (hirsute) problem

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Dear Hillary,

I have a very embarrassing problem with body hair.  It is thick and curly and all over my body.  I never take my shirt off as people think I am a gorilla.  Do you know if there is some way I can reduce my woolly blanket?

Ling

Dear Ling,

You certainly do have a problem, Petal, but you do have a choice of three options.  The first is mowing.  You can shave it all off.  The second is ripping it out with the hot waxing treatment.  Either way will work but you will always still have a high maintenance body.  You will need assistance whichever way you go as it will be very difficult to wax or shave your own back, but there are many places in town that will do this for you.  The third option is to eat bananas and pose for tourist photographs.