Bernard Trink’s Nite Owl recalled

The legendary Bernard Trink at his trusted typewriter in the Bangkok Post newspaper offices.

Coming up is the second anniversary of the death of Bernard Trink. For four decades from 1966, his weekly Nite Owl columns appeared in Bangkok World and Bangkok Post. Love him or hate him, he was an institution. Here’s a column he might have written for this week in 2022. Old hands should be able to spot at least 20 Trinkisms.

֍ Down Pattaya way, the Royal Garden mall is putting on a drag cabaret to attract customers, on weekends and public holidays 2 pm. It’s neo-Pattaya, so aimed at families and kids. A sign of the times.

֍ Karaoke bars combine two of the nation’s greatest evils: people who shouldn’t drink with people who shouldn’t sing.

֍ There’s noisy talk of making the new liquor closing time in the gin mills a pre-dawn 4 a.m. That’s gonna upset those saloonkeepers who currently serve till cockcrow. No doubt the constabulary will review the issue via brown envelopes.

֍ A bearded and nude male customer in Bangkok’s Rawhide club joined the demimondaines in their naked shower performance on stage. Most of the imbibers (all male needless to say) immediately asked for their check-bins and promptly left. Nuff said.

֍ According to the tom-toms, Pattaya’s Golden Mile can be more expensive than Bangkok. Suds, lady drinks, barfine, hotel room and thank you payment won’t leave much change from US$300. Any comment would be superfluous.

֍ When she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad she got a fur coat, jewels and a sports car.

֍ Strong smell of cannabis coming from Bangkok’s Soi 11. Not only the dispensaries selling the stuff, but mobile trucks too. Half the local population is apparently in need of the weed to cure their medical problems. A case of TIT (This is Thailand).

֍ Peppermint A-GoGo has reopened in Walking Street but under new ownership. Has been around since 2010 but was once upstairs in a venue shared with Marine Disco.

֍ As I understand it, transvestites are the ones that grow from the ceiling and transsexuals are the ones that grow up.

“But, I don’t give a hoot!” became Bernard Trinks trademark catchphrase at the end of all his “Night Owl” articles.

֍ Pattaya bosses say they’re speeding up the road repairs which have disrupted traffic flows for months. Luckily, the Chinese are absent with their hundreds of coaches clogging the main roads. Meanwhile, the disastrous state of the footpaths on Bangkok’s Silom Road is making visits to Patpong disruptive.

֍ Baccara A-gogo is said to be one of the classiest in Walking Street. Amazing pole and coyote dancing. Mosey on over.

֍ Pattaya’s Soi Buakhao is the new Walking Street according to internet scriveners. But it’s mostly bars rather than clubs. BTW, those wanting to chat to ladyboys should head for Action Street.

֍ I’m often asked what’s the cheapest I can remember for a short time liaison in Bangkok. Back in 1966 the cost could be as low as 20 baht after midnight. But there was always the possibility in those days your partner had leprosy.

֍ “I don’t want people to think we are different,” (Miss Tiffany Universe).

֍ The last Saturday in the month promises the Royal Cliff’s grand BBQ buffet @ 1,650 baht++ per adult. But worth going out of your way for.

☼ Sharples’ fish and chips in Tree Town have attracted a lot of good attention. Atlantic cod is the favorite. A visit is in order.

Bernard Trink became the “Night Owl” in 1967 for the Bangkok World English language newspaper.

֍ What do you mean by coming home half drunk? It wasn’t my fault ‘cos I ran out of money.

֍ You can put your boots in the oven but that doesn’t make them biscuits.

֍ Pattaya’s Castro show bar has nightly coyote dancers, male, colorful feathers and sequins a-plenty. If that’s your scene, hit it.

֍ Almost impossible these days to buy movie discs at 100 baht. Views differ whether the boys in brown are toughening up on copyright, or whether it’s simpler to download your own entertainment.

֍ Nana Plaza in Bangkok is back to pre-Covid normal according to reports. The Billboard is packed many evenings. Best of the bunch.

֍ The Dollhouse on Bangkok’s Soi Cowboy is packing ‘em in with happy hour till 10 p.m. Over to you.

֍ Too many hot babes are cold fish. A case of MANURE (huMAN natURE).

֍ A reader asks if the multi-bar quiz leagues are back in operation in Sin City. He’s looking for the ones with free bar snacks at half time. Over to you.

֍ “Man is a two-legged friend without feathers,” (not Plato).

Bernard Trink with his beloved wife Aree who was often seen by his side during his night prowls.

֍ The newest reopening on Soi Cowboy is Shark which closed during the Covid era. Refurbished, refreshed and ready.

֍ Expat food depots, concentrating on British fare, are found all over Pattaya and Jomtien even though the western expat market has shrunk. You figure it.

֍ “The human brain is the only computer in the world made out of meat.” (Donald Trump). Keep ‘em coming please.

֍ Some massage parlors in Cambodia charge according to touch. The cheapest is a foot massage with extra cash needed for lower and upper leg and beyond. More about this as I learn of it.

֍ How did Yasser Arafat constantly maintain a two day growth of beard?

֍ A hate mail describes me as a dirty, old, ugly pervert. He forgot to mention I’m fat too.

But I don’t give a hoot!