The latest from British tele-personality Jeremy Clarkson is called Round the
Bend (ISBN 978-0-718-15841-5, Penguin books 2011), and is a collection of
Clarkson’s motoring columns in the Sunday Times.
I have reported previously, you do not read his Sunday
Times column (or watch his television program, Top Gear) to be educated
about cars. You become a fan of Clarkson’s for his pithy sense of wit.
Before you read any of the small chapters, you will be
smiling at just reading the headings, such as “David Dimbleby made me wet
myself,” (Mercedes-Benz CLK Black Series), “Lovely to drive, awful to live
with” (Porsche Cayenne GTS), “A car even its mother couldn’t love (Porsche
Panamera), “You’ll really stand out - for paying too much” (Mini Cooper S
Convertible). You get the idea. In fact, one wonders why the manufacturers
give Clarkson a car to play with. They must believe that any mention is
better than being ignored.
But then open any chapter and read such metaphors as “The
plastics would have looked shoddy on an Ethiopian’s wheelie bin,” (Lotus
Evora 2+2), or “In time you do get used to them (the brakes) in the same way
that you get used to having no arms. And when you do, the rest of the car is
a big slice of bonkers joy,” (Mercedes SLR McLaren) or again, “The drunks
are trying to find someone who still knows what a steering wheel does, half
a dozen chatty souls are inviting you back to their places for more drinks
and you have a devil on your shoulder telling you that, yes, it would be a
brilliant idea to go with them,” (Lexus RX 450h SE-L).
In no way do you have to be a petrol head (or these days,
a diesel head) and you will not read anything about CO2 emissions, as the
only emissions that Clarkson would write about are those experienced by
pubescent boys.
The Greens and climate change do not escape. “It (the
Green Party) may be woolly on the issue of climate change - it keeps
claiming that the world is warming up when every single figure shows it’s
actually cooling down - but on road safety the Green Party seems to be bang
on the money. It says casualty figures aren’t dropping because the roads are
full of gormless morons.”
But give Clarkson just a little chink in the bodywork of
a new car and you will be met with such descriptions as, “Ugly to behold and
hateful to drive, it is not cheap, elegant, comfortable, practical,
prestigious, clever, economical, luxurious, well designed …” You get the
message!
At B. 685 in Bookazine, it is a hefty price, but it is a
hefty book at 400 large pages, though the font size is also large (which
certainly makes it easier on the eyes). Coming weekly in the Sunday Times
would almost be enough for me to take out a subscription, but in book form,
his (self) opinions can become a little too much, reading chapter after
chapter. Intersperse a few days between each and this book will keep you
chuckling for weeks.
