Passport ponderings

Dear Hillary,
Will any children of mine born here be Thai or American? My GF is Thai and she’s saying any kids we have will have to be Thai, not American (like me). I don’t like this too much, as I’m proud to be an American. This is developing into quite an argument, so much so that I’m on the point of walking out. It is all so stupid, but she’s really got the knickers in a twist over this one. Can you give me the answer, so that I can show her that she is wrong?
Rob

Dear Rob,
What am I now? The American Embassy or something? You can easily find the answer by going to the US Embassy web site, Petal, but as far as I know, any child born here is automatically a Thai, but if you were born in the America, I believe you can apply for American citizenship for any legitimate child of yours. This means they can have dual citizenship, but the child has to make up his or her mind by the time they are 18 and go for one or the other.

However, I think this is all a bit premature. You are talking about children that are not even born yet, so you are at least 9 months in front of yourself. You want me to tell your Thai GF, who is refusing to budge that she is wrong, when I believe she is correct anyway Rob. So anything I write does not help your cause or allow you to stick the Pattaya Mail under her nose and say she is wrong. It does look to me that you should be seriously looking at your relationship, before even contemplating having children. Take your American passport, Rob, and run! Neither you nor the GF is ready for parenthood. Sorry.

My Belgian boyfriend?
Dear Hillary,
I will be going home to Belgium for a couple of weeks later on this month (Brussels is my home town), and knowing your love of Belgian chocolates I will bring some back for you. You have never been specific, but is there any particular brand that you like? Soft centers? Milk chocolate? Dark chocolate? Let me know, and they’re yours, as my thank you for some great fun-filled Fridays.
Charles

Dear Charles,
My very, very, very dear Charles (but you’re not the Prince of Wales are you, by any chance?) there’s lots of great chocolate makers in Belgium as you very obviously would know, coming from Brussels, but if you really want to spoil a girl, how about Pierre Marcolini who is known world-wide as a premier artisan chocolatier in Brussels. You will find it difficult to get his chocolates outside of Brussels which also makes it special, but you will be right there. Ooh! I can’t wait. Hurry back soon, Charles. By the way, if you’re feeling expansive, you can get Veuve Clicquot (vintage, darling, vintage) at the Brussels Duty Free too, if you really want to spoil me.

Lost girl in Soi 8. Please return to sender?

Dear Hillary,
My problem just keeps on getting worse and worse. I meet a girl in a bar called Lek last year who looked after me real good when I was over for my holidays in December, but I can’t get any reply to my letters, and I’ve sent heaps of them. I am sure Lek would reply as we got on terrific. I sent one letter a week for the first couple of months, but since I didn’t get any reply I only send one a month now. The bar is in Soi 8 about half way up on the right hand side and they have red neon lights inside. Lek said she would write back to me, but I don’t have her email either, so I sent letters to the address of the bar (sorry I haven’t got the name of it). If you could put an advert in your paper, I’m sure she would reply. Can you help me find my girl?
Eric

Dear Eric,
Are you pulling my leg, Petal? You don’t even know the name of the bar your wonderful Lek works in, so you’ve been writing letters to what address for the past eight months? How can this poor Lek girl write back to you after you write letters to “Half way up on the right hand side, Soi 8”? Even if your letter gets delivered to any bar in Soi 8, all that will happen is a quick check to see if it has any money inside it and then it will be filed in the rubbish bin.

Now what kind of advert are you suggesting you want me to place on your behalf? In the Lost and Found category perhaps? Something like “Girl called Lek lost half way up Soi 8. Please return to Eric.” That should get an instant response, especially if you offer a few thousand baht reward as well. There will be a line-up of Lek’s by 2.30 p.m. on Saturday afternoon. Some days I just don’t believe my in-tray!