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Money matters: Shades of mediocrity
Graham Macdonald
MBMG International Ltd.
Back in 2003, John Bogle, the founder of Vanguard and
disciple of passive index investing, who has long held that, in general,
active investing is inferior to passive investing, took his observation
one step further in a speech stating that, “While the [US] market has
provided an annual return of 13% during the past 20 years, and the average
equity fund earned an annual return of 10%, the average fund investor,
according to recent estimates, earned just 2% per year”!
In explaining the reason for the poor performance by
investors, Bogle points to, among other things, a lack of long-term
thinking, citing particularly striking figures showing that the average
retail mutual fund investors’ hold period has shrunk from 16 years in
the 1950s to just 2 years of late. It appears that the advent of CNBC and
others is having little positive impact on the investing public.
Whilst we’re fierce advocates of active over passive
investing, we believe that Bogle quite correctly identifies short-term
thinking as the root cause of such dramatically inferior investor returns.
Admittedly you could argue that’s rich coming from MBMG International
whose investment philosophy is that the long term is just a series of
connected short terms and whose favourite aphorism is that “long term
investments are just short term investments made by people who got it
wrong”.
However, there is a difference between trying to
achieve consistent short term results by having a long term focus in
place, which is one of core beliefs and just chasing every new fad, which
has happened since Oscar Wilde said “nothing becomes so outdated as the
fashionable” through the hey days of Fidelity Magellan (great
performance, but no-one made any money from it) in the 70s and 80s through
to the inability of too many investors to withstand their emotions of
greed and fear, epitomised by the advent of day trading, dot com mania,
accounting scandals and motley fools, causing them to buy high and sell
low, thereby destroying value.
Of course if most investors are destroying value
through untimely impulsive trading, the few who can withstand those
emotions, run counter to the herd, and invest on the basis of
fundamentals, stand to gain disproportionately. Our objective is to ensure
that we maintain the perspective to allow us to continue to be among those
few (much easier to say than to do). Especially as superior risk-rated
returns are not delivered in a straight line over time.
A contrarian approach has allowed us to add value in
managing portfolios on our clients’ behalf. We believe that conditions
in 2005 will be so difficult in so many markets that unless you can have
this kind of perspective and unless you maintain these disciplines, then
disaster lurks. We see investors now pouring money into global equity
markets and we shake our heads. If you weren’t in the markets on the
run-up, don’t compound this by buying at the top.
John Bogle’s thoughts make for nice theory but fail
to recognise many realities. If the US equity markets have provided 13%
per year return and the average equity fund has delivered just 10% then by
charging an annual cost expense ration of 3%, Bogle’s Vanguard trackers
should beat the average. However that fails to take into account a number
of realities.
Historically Vanguard couldn’t replicate the index
because the addition of new companies into the index at the expense of
companies who simply fell out of the index or had to be removed (a la
Enron) meant that Vanguard’s holdings of stocks were an imperfect
practical copy of a theoretical model, namely the index that they tried to
replicate.
Bogle would argue that the current derivatives market
allows for a much better replication of indices (which is indeed true,
although it fails to acknowledge the inherent credit risk in utilising
derivative counter parties and also the benefits available now to active
managers who can use such derivatives to also improve their returns).
Over time quality rises to the top and a number of
managers will, over significant periods of say three years or more,
consistently achieve top quartile or top decile performance. In other
words an average is made up of the good, the average and the ugly. Bogle
aims to consistently be the cheapest of the average and has achieved
outstanding success within that remit. He still trails the good by some
way.
Bogle’s ‘buy, hold and prosper’ is the antithesis
of what the most successful investors have always done - Buffett’s
‘buy cheap, sell expensive’ mantra makes more sense to me than
Bogle’s ‘buy at any price, hold at any price’ regime.
Logically, Bogle’s approach makes no sense at all to
me - but maybe that’s because I’ve spent years working as a financial
planner. I don’t think that I’d have so many satisfied customers if I
had to say to them “there’s this guy called Bogle who thinks that you
should have put all your money in his passive funds 20 years ago and
should hold it there forever. As long as you don’t actually need to
withdraw your money at any stage then it’s absolutely the most average
investment for you.”
Many funds, especially the equity funds created by
Vanguard, are wholly inappropriate for a buy and hold through the roller
coasters of a full economic cycle (which the most reliable research shows
lasts for typically between 60-80 years anyway), although we would cite
some exceptions to this.
Whilst presumably equity investors rather consistently
allowed their emotions to get the better of them and shifted out of funds
that had done poorly recently and into funds that had better near-term
track records – effectively selling low and buying high – often just
before the performance of those funds turned and reverted to more average
levels, investors into funds that seek absolute returns (i.e. consistent
growth irrespective of what equity markets are doing) tend to have much
better experiences.
Orbis Investment managers, one of our preferred fund
managers, decided to examine their fund members’ subscription and
redemption behaviour into their absolute return funds. They discovered,
using an internal rate of return analysis, that over the 15-year history
of the fund there has been much less of a difference in the average
aggregate member’s return experience versus the historical return
experience of the fund. Over the entire history of the Orbis Optimal Fund,
the yearly average return is 12.3% and the average aggregate member annual
return is approximately 10%. This compares with Bogle’s observation of
an average equity fund return of 10% and average annual fund investor
return of 2%.
It seems that a bad workman blames his tools, but an
average fund manager blames clients. Our clients have achieved better
returns than Vanguard investors and have had the luxury of being able to
choose something that actually suits their own financial requirements.
Unless they show themselves to be capable of more creative thinking,
Vanguard’s whole niche is likely to be devoured by more efficient,
modern equivalents like ETFs (exchange traded funds). We wouldn’t be
shedding too many tears at the eventual demise of Vanguard.
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The above data and research was compiled from sources believed to be
reliable. However, neither MBMG International Ltd nor its officers can
accept any liability for any errors or omissions in the above article nor
bear any responsibility for any losses achieved as a result of any actions
taken or not taken as a consequence of reading the above article. For more
information please contact Graham Macdonald on [email protected]
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Snap Shots: Time lapse photography made easy
by Harry Flashman
 I
covered time lapse photography some time ago, but it bears another
article, as it is probably the easiest, yet most spectacular form of wall
art that any photographer can produce. And you do not need fancy
equipment. In fact you and your point and shoot auto-everything compact
can do it.
What you have to remember is that the standard
photograph is merely one moment in time, frozen for eternity. The famous
French photographer Lartigue was particularly good at this. So also was
Henri Cartier-Bresson, who uttered the famous phrase “the decisive
moment.”
Now in time lapse photography, you record a series of
these decisive moments, one after the other, all related to each other.
This kind of photography will show such things as the development of a
flower, or the butterfly emerging from the chrysalis. You know the sort of
thing - all very National Geographic or Disney World. Any of you who have
seen the film “A Zed and Two Noughts” will also remember those scenes
of bodies decomposing, all done by time lapse photography. Very
avant-garde.
Now while all this style of time lapse photography
sounds expensive and even time consuming, it does not need to be so. You
can produce your own time lapse shots with any old camera. It just needs a
little planning.
There is one photographer who on her birthday takes a
photo of herself in the nude. This she has done for the past 30 something
years and has produced a time lapse record of human aging. This series of
shots has been studied by the medical profession, as it is the only such
record that has been undertaken in the world. So, if it doesn’t depress
you too much, there’s an idea for you!
No, for me, I want more instant gratification than
that. I believe you should pick on something that can allow you to produce
a finished product in the sort of time frame that you could sit with
comfortably (and not lose the photographs taken previously). So let us
look at some items that you could do easily, with just a point and
shooter.
Here is one suggestion - buy a rose (they sell them in
all bars every night) and place it in a vase by the window and shoot it at
lunchtime. Leave it exactly where it is, and take one lunchtime shot every
day for the next week. In that time, it will have spread its petals, begin
to die, the petals will shrink up, the stem will bend over, the water will
have gone cloudy and other attributes that will only become obvious when
you study the shots. However, to capitalise on this you must mount the
seven shots, side by side, in order from the left. You have just produced
a work of art in a week!
So you haven’t got the stamina for a week. What else
can you do? Well, there is always the record of one object in daylight.
Take six shots, one every two hours, of your house, for example, starting
at 6 a.m. You will see how the different time of day produces different
light, the sun’s movement produces different shadows and again, by
mounting them side by side, in order from the left, you will have produced
a work of art in one day!
So you don’t want to spend a day getting your
definitive time lapse shots, so look at taking one hour. In that time you
can document the progress of a snail along a wall, or serial shots of
people walking down the street, or the way your beer glass empties. Just
light it from behind with natural lighting to get the best effect.
Probably repeat this a few times over a Sunday, with the final shot being
a glass of water and two headache tablets.
Note that I have said that the shots should be mounted chronologically
from the left. We read from left to right and we naturally then place the
“start” of anything on the left, with the “finish” on the right.
(Arabic countries that read from right to left, would mount theirs the
other way round!)
Modern Medicine: Breast Augmentation
- yesterday and today
by Dr. Iain Corness, Consultant
Breast size and women’s well-being have been
inexplicably intertwined for centuries. Perhaps it is the result of the young
male baby being weaned at an early age and longing for those palpably bounteous
days again for the rest of his life! For whatever reason, “acceptable”
breast size means much to many.
Chasing the ideal shape has even resulted in patents being
awarded to various ‘strap-on’ devices, such as Mrs Anne McLean’s patented
cone-shaped wire spring devices in 1858.
The medical profession was also interested and a brave chap
by the name of Gersuny tried paraffin injections in 1889, with disastrous
results (for the lady and to his reputation). He was followed by Czerny, who
made the first recorded surgical attempt to enlarge the breasts in 1895, when he
attempted to transplant a lipoma (fatty tissue tumour) from the back of an
actress to her breasts. This did not result in a string of actresses with
lipomata beating a pathway to his surgery! Surgery gave up (temporarily) at that
point.
After this, it was a return to the ‘smoke and mirrors’
approach with various push-up or push-out and “push-off you dirty old man”
brassieres. Or various creams and potions of doubtful value and little pleasing
result, other than for the not unwilling male masseurs.
However, immediately post WWII, Berson in 1945 and Maliniac
in 1950 performed a dermafat flap, while Pangman introduced the Ivalon sponge in
1950, and various synthetics were used throughout the 1950s and 1960s, including
silicone injections. Unfortunately, all of these resulted in long and short-term
disasters.
However, while handling a bag of blood in 1961, Baylor
University surgical resident Frank Gerow noted how much it felt like a woman’s
breast. He and Thomas Cronin then went on to invent the silicone breast implant.
It is reported that at the time, it was seen as a safer alternative to injecting
silicone straight into the breasts, a method pioneered by Japanese prostitutes
in postwar Yokohama and later popularized by San Francisco stripper Carol Doda.
By 1963, Cronin and Gerow had developed the first silicone
gel breast implant in conjunction with the Dow Corning Corporation. This was the
start of reproducible results, and the art of breast augmentation really kicked
on. Dow Corning were of course not alone, and many manufacturers produced
implants for flat ladies all over the world.
However, in the 1970’s there were claims that the silicone
gel produced all kinds of ailments, and as soon as the lawyers became involved,
manufacturers were left with mounds of quivering gel, while the courtroom
battles ensued. Quite frankly, it is difficult to defend your position against a
claim, when the courts make you prove that it couldn’t happen. There is always
a ‘possibility’ that something ‘could’ happen.
The demand from the ladies was still there, so saline
implants were next, but there are even problems here too. Every augmentation has
its risks.
So what are the common problems? First off, deflation. In one
large study in the USA, deflation occurred in 21 (2.1%) of 960 implants. Next is
infection. Overall, infections occurred in 6 (0.63%) of 960 implants. Capsular
contractions are another large (or enlarged) problem. In this study, a total of
25 of the 960 implants had problems, making an overall rate of 2.6 percent. The
end result indicating that 95 percent had no problems.
For whatever reason you would like augmentation, it is a
(relatively) ‘safe’ procedure, that can change your outlook (and look)
forever.
Learn to Live to Learn: They came for the Communist…
with Andrew Watson
Martin Niem๖ller was not among those I cited
when, some weeks ago, I wrote of heroic leadership. But he might have
been. He was a Protestant pastor, an early supporter of Hitler who soon
became one of the symbols of moral resistance to the Nazis. He was
imprisoned in 1939 and spent four years in solitary confinement for
voicing his opposition to Hitler. He was sent to Dachau and was
eventually liberated by the allies. Post-war, he was a leading voice of
reconciliation.  During
the past few weeks I have written about ‘Aspiring to Excellence’ and
the importance of being willing to take (calculated) risks in schools.
But there is something more besides, which I propose, is a vital
ingredient of any potent potion for success. Courage. Moral courage, to
do the right thing, even when faced with the fear of rejection or worse.
Albus Dumbledore imparts such wisdom to Neville Longbottom in Harry
Potter, “It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to one’s
enemies but a great deal more to stand up to one’s friends.” Or, if
you prefer, Doris Lessing (1986) writes, “The hardest thing in the
world is to stand our ground against a group one’s peers.”
Of course, as Handy (1990) points out, you’ve still
got to have the capacity to differentiate between right and wrong. In
this regard, self interest and self delusion are bedfellows, which,
fuelled by fear of persecution or prosecution, can result in
psychopathic self-constructs strong enough to turn lies into truth. If
driven by paranoia and politics, as in Hitler’s case, they are a
potent force. And people will follow such dictators and believe their
lies and deny the truth they know to themselves, even when the evidence
is presented before them. Indeed, they will ignore and deny that which
they have witnessed even with their own eyes. Along the way, they will
pick up stragglers, weak, ignorant, malleable and remote, who will share
a bigot’s opinion for an evening’s social indulgence.
Then along comes someone like Martin Niem๖ller,
who shouts, “No!” Or the Eastenders of London who stood before
Oswald Moseley’s marching black shirts and with steely resolve
pronounced; “Thou shalt not pass!” This takes immense courage, most
especially if like Niem๖ller, there is only one of you. No club
culture, no spider’s web to protect you. What hope is there of
success? It is as if all the logic of survival is directing you away
from a moral choice you must make.
Inner turmoil and periods of self-doubt must have
enveloped Niem๖ller, yet he still continued to do the right thing.
In what must have been an atmosphere full of hubris and schadenfreude,
he must have felt socially ostracised, physically threatened. He would
have heard the whispers in the shadows, one lie begetting another, yet
he was unmoved and silent, refusing to be provoked but ready to speak
his soul. As the Nazis tried to take his soul, they tried to steal his
pride.
I wonder, how far would you go to do the right thing?
Would you refuse to listen to the truth of persecution, only to render
them inaccurate on the grounds of being implausible? Would you allow
yourself to be bullied into believing lies by Hitler’s henchmen? Would
you go into denial on the grounds that maybe it’s just too much effort
and maybe not in your own interests to stand up for the truth? Would you
have been one who stood by and watched iniquity perpetrated? Would you
remain silent if Niem๖ller had been your friend?
The following is a translation of the frequently
quoted and inspiring poem for which Niem๖ller is well-known. A
simple but intensely moving piece, it describes the phenomenon of
persecution, which often begins with specific, malicious and targeted
fear and hatred of the individual and can quickly escalate out of
control.
When the Nazis came for the communists,
I did not speak out
because I was not a communist.
When they came for the social democrats,
I did not speak out
because I was not a social democrat.
When they came for the trade unionists
I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
When they came for the Jews
I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew;
When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.
As others have done before, I might presumptuously add an additional
verse:
“They came for my dignity, but they couldn’t have my dignity
They came for my integrity, but they couldn’t have my integrity.”
And what of schools? How does Niem๖ller
translate to the classroom? Barth (1990) writes; “To assert one’s
leadership as a teacher, often against forces of administrative
resistance, takes commitment to an educational ideal. It requires a
certain kind of courage … to declare through our actions that we care
about and take responsibility for more than the minimum.”
[email protected]
Next week: Organisations of the future
 Heart to Heart with Hillary
Dear Hillary,
My next door neighbour is an averaging looking guy but he seems to possess
something that attracts the girls. Perhaps he has a huge personality, a big bank
balance, a superior intellect, or maybe there is something else about him that
is alluringly well proportioned but whatever it is, it is causing a problem for
me.
Hordes of girls visit him at various times of the night. They knock loudly on
his front door and this always wakes me. Next, I’m disturbed by female squeals
coming from his premises together with thumping noises against the wall. I
thought that maybe he engages in strenuous bedroom activities, but this racket
occurs many times every night and continues non-stop for at least forty minutes
each time. I doubt that any guy is that talented.
They could either be playing racquet ball in there or I’m living next door to
Marathon Man. Hillary, if I give you his address would you be prepared to visit
him and report back to me with your findings?
Mighty Mouse
Dear Mighty Mouse,
Oh you are a naughty little mouse, tempting Hillary like this. However, you did
not say whether he keeps champagne and chocolates in his refrigerator! I think
you have also mis-spelled the name of this man’s nocturnal exercising. It is
more likely to be ‘racket-ball’ than racquet ball, from your description.
Since you say that there are hordes of young girls every night, it must be some
sort of ‘team’ event that he is running. Perhaps it is skittles that they
are playing, where you throw the balls and knock over the people at the far end
of the lane? Mind you, Mighty Mouse, I also get the feeling that you are showing
more than just a tad of envy, Petal. However, perhaps a sign on his door, which
states that he is fully occupied and you have room for spare players might get
them knocking on your door and that might work?
Dear Ms. Hillary,
A pearl of wisdom came my way which I thought I should share with your good self
and your millions of devoted fans. An expat acquaintance said he was fed up with
his friends either coming to him and proclaiming they were in love and loved in
return AGAIN, or alternatively crying that the latest love of their life had
departed, SO in either case he marches them into his bedroom where he has wall
to wall, floor to ceiling mirrors, turns the lights up full, tells them to
undress and stand in front of the mirror and face the fact that no attractive
under twenty five would truthfully want to go to bed with what he was looking at
if it wasn’t for financial gain, which like every form of blackmail, escalates
once the blackmailer sees the victim is willing to pay!
He says it usually works, if it doesn’t he advises them to catch the first
flight home and face reality back wherever they come from as they don’t seem
to be able to do it here in EldoPattayaRado!
Wonder if your delicate senses regard that particular cure as a bit brutal and
could recommend something a little less harsh but equally as effective. I have a
Thai friend who owns a small Gay Guest House in Pattaya, he always tut tuts and
frets that the Farangs NEVER seem to learn, no matter how many times they are
knocked over. Rather like those wonderful little policeman dolls with round
bottoms who come bouncing back up again and again and again, ready for the next
punch in the gob, permanent smile on their stupid faces!
Best wishes as ever,
Solomon
Dear Solomon,
Ah, the wisdom of Solomon indeed. But how many of us (Hillary included) wants to
parade around naked in some person’s house, in front of wall to ceiling
mirrors and look at the cold hard truth? That’s why they invented alluring
clothes and make-up, my Petal! If I took your advice, I think I wouldn’t even
go to bed with myself, and that would create a real problem. I am also
interested in your Thai friend’s guest house. I didn’t know that guest
houses showed any particular sexual preferences? All the ones I have stayed at
have been merely brick and concrete inanimate objects, but perhaps they really
are a seething mass of unrequited hormones! You learn something every day!
Dear Hillary,
My husband has to do a lot of entertaining in his job and we usually do this in
some of the restaurants here. My husband likes it but I would prefer to do this
at home. Do you think he does not like my cooking?
Connie the Cook
Dear Connie the Cook,
How long have you been married? Surely you must know if your husband likes your
cooking or not, or have you tried poisoning him? Have you discussed entertaining
at home? Communication is the name of the game in marriages. Have you lived here
long? You may not be aware that entertaining in Thailand is traditionally done
in restaurants and not in people’s homes. It is very rare to get an invitation
to a private home. Enjoy going out, and cooking meals on stay at home nights.
Psychological Perspectives: Aspects of religious philosophies that might promote mental disturbance
by Michael Catalanello,
Ph.D.
Newsweek got itself into hot water
recently by publishing a story that interrogators at the American military
prison at Guantแnamo Bay, Cuba had desecrated a Koran, the Muslim
Holy Book, in an effort to rattle prisoners. This story was blamed for
massive rioting, which ensued when the news reached Afghan followers of
that religion, leaving at least 17 people dead and hundreds wounded.
Newsweek later backtracked, however, saying, “Based on what we know now,
we are retracting our original story that an internal military
investigation had uncovered Koran abuse at Guantแnamo Bay.” Those
killed in the rioting could not be reached for comment.
Much has been made of the failure of Newsweek to
do everything in its power to get its facts straight before publishing this
potentially explosive story. I have seen little, however, criticizing the
behavior of those who, acting on hearsay reports, went on a murderous
rampage against others who had no conceivable role in the alleged crimes
against their religion.
In contrast to these tragic events, religious faith is
usually considered a force for good in the world. One need not look far to
find examples of apparently deeply religious people who devote their lives
to serving humanitarian causes, often at great risk and personal sacrifice.
Based upon such exemplary people, one might reasonably infer that there are
some aspects of religious philosophies that promote healthy psychological
functioning (see Psychological Perspectives, Pattaya Mail, April 15,
2005).
Occasionally, however, we hear reports of crazy,
barbarous, and inhumane acts carried out and justified on the basis of
faith in God and religious zeal. Recent examples include
Catholic-Protestant violence in Northern Ireland, Hindu-Sikh-Muslim
massacres in India, the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the
Pentagon. Self-destructive religious cults like the Branch Dividians, the
Army of God, and the Solar Temple make headlines when their members commit
mass suicide or worse. It was even reported that President Bush felt
inspired by religious conviction to wage war in Afghanistan and Iraq,
costing thousands of lives and resulting in continuing regional violence
and untold human suffering.
Religion is also frequently implicated in less dramatic
but equally pernicious attitudes and behaviors including racism, sexism,
and the persecution of intellectuals. Many religionists wish to deny the
rights of women over their own bodies, deny the rights of terminally ill
patients to exercise choice over how and when they shall die. Some push for
legislation to deny the rights of gay couples to marry. Some religious
authorities wish to deny women the right to an education and a career. The
inhumane act of female castration is often defended on religious grounds.
Religious apologists would be quick to point out that
barbarous acts carried out in the name of religion have little or no
grounding in the mainstream doctrines of these noble religious traditions.
Nevertheless, one might speculate whether there are identifiable elements
of a religious worldview that might promote destructive and antisocial
practices.
Contemporary psychological theory views people’s
thoughts, emotions, and behavior as being thoroughly integrated. As
psychological theorist Dr. Albert Ellis has observed, when we think, we
also feel and behave. When we feel we also behave and think. When we behave
we also think and feel. When people are disturbed, they are disturbed in
all three areas, cognitively (in their thinking), emotionally (in their
feelings) and behaviorally, (in their actions).
Many religious teachings seem consistent with healthy,
functional thinking, emoting, and behaving. The universal injunction,
“Love your neighbor as you love yourself,” for example, seems to
promote healthy and mutually satisfying social interactions.
Where religious doctrines seem to go wrong, in my view,
is when they promote rigid, absolutistic thinking, demandingness,
and an attitude that all must conform to a certain way of thinking
and behaving or be damned. Such doctrines place a value upon blind faith,
steadfastly maintained, even in the face of disconfirming evidence. Such an
attitude fails to acknowledge the tentative nature of human knowledge about
the world, particularly of things within a spiritual realm.
Religionists often begin from a very reasonable position
of, “I would like very much for you to adopt and conform to my religious
values and convictions.” Then they illogically demand, “You absolutely
must agree with my values and convictions, and if you don’t I will bring
about unpleasant consequences for you and others.”
The irrational thinking at the core of this demand is
that things must be, as I very much want them to be. This then
results in disturbed emotions, such as anger when others do not
agree or conform, and misguided actions to take away the rights of
others, whether through legal or illegal means. Such a scenario may have
played a role when angry mobs of Afghans went on a murderous rampage in
response to reports circulated about a story in Newsweek.
It is not my intention to hold religion responsible for the evils of the
world. We humans are undoubtedly plenty disturbed, with or without the help
of religious doctrines. Nevertheless, it is, in my view, important to
recognize that some components of religious thinking may stoke the flames
of our human disturbances, thwarting the overriding purpose of religion to
promote tolerance, understanding, compassion, reconciliation, and a more
peaceful and just world in which to live.
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Dr. Catalanello is a licensed psychologist in his home State of Louisiana, USA, and a member of the Faculty of Liberal Arts at Asian University,
Chonburi. You may address questions and comments to him at [email protected], or post on his weblog at
http://asianupsych.blogspot.com
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Sound and Vision
By Justin
Trousers
It has been pointed out to me by the editor that this column has been
consuming ever-increasing column inches and that I should reduce the volume of
nonsense that you have to wade through every week. To accommodate the new
slim-line Trousers, I will be discontinuing reviews of new movies but will
continue to offer reviews of the latest DVDs, games and music.
DVD
Sideways
 Dozens
of bottles of wine are consumed during Sideways. Living in Thailand, we are
used to paying comparatively vast sums for wine that is normally sold in gallon
drums and used as heavy machinery grease in the country of origin. Even so,
wine is a pleasure and even when the first sip from a bottle of Chateau Massey
Ferguson 2005 can only be described as “chewy, with an aftertaste of
tarmac”; it does have the ability to taste acceptable after a few glasses. A
combination of growing familiarisation and a numbing of the senses ensures that
almost all wine tastes good by the time you have drained the bottle. Years of
palette abuse (I lived for many years in Scotland) and the absence of any
skills when it comes to analysing what I am throwing down my throat, means that
my wine evaluations are limited to “seems to contain alcohol, pass the bottle
quickly.” But I do have a sneaking respect for those who can find so much to
say about wine; even if they do often waste it by spitting it out, and I
suspect that they are often making it up.
Miles Raymond (Paul Giamatti) is one such wine connoisseur,
capable of pronouncements such as “too much oak and secondary malolactic
fermentation” without blushing. Miles is a failed writer and divorcee. His
friend Jack (Thomas Haden Church) is about to get married and Miles decides to
take him on a week of wine tasting and golf. Jack is more interested in
spending the week getting laid and meets up with Stephanie (played by Sandra
Oh, the wife of writer/director Alexander Payne) and Miles finds himself in a
growing friendship with waitress and fellow wine fan Maya (Virginia Madsen).
Much drinking and chaos ensue. This is a gentle, amusing, sometimes sad, movie
which is played to perfection by the cast. Movies about relationships are often
just “chick flicks”, but this one sharply captures male foibles such that
most men will recognise facets of themselves in one or of the male characters;
depending on whether you identify with the introverted, lonely Miles; or the
boisterous, extroverted Jack. Sideways should be enjoyed with a bottle of your
favourite wine. A pleasant aftertaste is guaranteed as this understated
masterpiece unfolds amongst the sunshine and vineyards of California. Highly
recommended.
Music
Rob Thomas – Something to be
 In the beginning there was Matchbox Twenty; and not many
people gave a damn. Then Rob Thomas, their vocalist, recorded “Smooth” with
Santana and the world listened to it and heard that it was catchy and featured
sweaty, gyrating Latino girls in the video. And so it was that Smooth sold by
the million and Matchbox Twenty sales also jumped as the world hoped they had
similar songs (and similar sweaty, gyrating girls). They had neither and the
world moved on.
There is no doubt that Rob Thomas has a distinctive singing
voice. He is also amusing to watch when he sings. His startled, wide-eyed
countenance hints at someone who has been the recent, surprised recipient of a
large and extremely fizzy suppository. Those naughty Latino girls.
Now Mr. Thomas has decided that his songwriting abilities
are worthy of a matchboxless outing and has released a solo album entitled
“Something to be.”
His writing talents, such as they are, belong to the deep
and meaningless school of bollocks. For example: “I am the one-winged bird
flying, sinking quickly to the ground.” Well Rob, the inability to maintain
altitude is almost certainly due to the bird having less than the normal
complement of wings. But the question you leave unresolved in this particular
magnum opus is; how did the damn bird get up in the air to start with? A hot
air balloon, some sort of catapult arrangement? I think we should be told.
Couple the feeble lyrics with bland music and trite pop arrangements and you
have a product aimed squarely at the teen top twenty market. Maybe they will
lap this up. My recommendation would be to enjoy audio and visual delights of
Smooth and ignore any other offerings from Rob Thomas.
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