Features

Dear Hillary,

My Thai bargirl “marriage” has lasted 10 years and she and her friends understand that us superior (superior, in Thai, means big money man) needs occasional new physical therapies to condition him for his matrimonial duties. If any you might choose don’t share this philosophy of Carnal Safaris, then dump her! “Wife” synonymous with “Anchor”!
Superior Samuel

Dear Superior Samuel,
I am certainly glad I have never met you, the ultimate male chauvinist. I thought you had all died out 15 years ago. We used to have a name for you and your ilk and that was MCP, Petal. That stood for Male Chauvinist Pig, and that’s what you are. Lording your superior financial power over your “wife” who just has to grin and bear it. And are you sure that the long suffering “her indoors” isn’t indulging in her own Carnal Safari? And I suggest you change the PIN number of your Visa card before she just raids the plastic and ups anchor. People like you can be replaced, Petal.

Dear Hillary,
Don’t you get tired of all these hopeless people writing in with hopeless problems that cannot be answered the way they want. What do you do to shake off the problems they dump on you?
Eric

Dear Eric,
That’s my job, Petal. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to take the problems on board for them. Sure, some I cannot help, but even if just by writing in helps a bit, then it is all worthwhile. And how do I relax after a heavy day at the Agony Aunt desk? I listen to Leonard Cohen and decide that no matter how dark and depressive the music, life is still what you make of it, and always beats the alternative!

Dear Hillary,
Are Thai women naturally cheaters, or do they just seize opportunities? I caught out my fan of five years after she admitted cheating when she came home drunk one night. As she had been faithful up till then, we discussed and I forgave and she seemed to be her old self again. But I then caught her again six weeks later! The discussion wasn’t worth much when the opportunity came up again. So, Hillary, is this normal Thai behavior? I am weighing up my own opportunities here.
Jerry

Dear Jerry,
You probably won’t believe me, but this is not “normal” Thai behavior. With recurrent cheating, which goes deeply into your total relationship, you have a big problem, Petal. It will take some forgiving to get over this one. Do not expect too much too soon, I’m sorry. You sound like a nice man, Jerry.

Dear Hillary,
In the latest edition I read again from poor foreigners complaining about Thai ladies. What do they expect? Do you really think that a sexy young beautiful lady wants an old ugly foreigner with beer belly? Let us be honest, all they want is their money and who are we to blame them if some foreigners behave so stupid. I am 59 and have a lovely friend 45 years young. She still has great looks, and more importantly we can talk on the same level. I don’t have anything to tell to a 25 years old as that is a completely other generation. There are enough great ladies in Pattaya in their forties who still look great and with good brains, also important if you want to live with someone I think. The 60 plus section who come to look for “Fresh young girls” should think of the fact that most of that young ladies also want a fresh young man. Have you ever thought about that? Ladies who want to escape from their poor life, just do that for the money and the promises some foreigners make them, but once in Europe they face other problems and get disappointed very quick as they found out that in Europe or elsewhere it is the same struggle for life. Many poor ladies get misled because they think that for example 100,000 baht a month is a lot of money, and it is...in Chiang Mai, but not in Belgium or Germany where it is only an average income. My friend is well educated and knows the differences between the West and the East. To put it simply, stop fooling yourselves and others and try to find or get a realistic relationship, you won’t regret it, I am sure.
Willy

Dear Willy,
I am so pleased to see you are thinking with your head and not with the (eponymous) organ, my Petal. There is so much more to any relationship than 20 minutes of sweaty rumpy-pumpy (and 20 minutes is probably an exaggeration for most of the over-60’s viagorous exercises). The ability to communicate on a similar level is even more important when you are contemplating mixed races. If all you want is the nocturnal nookie, then buy it and don’t waste your time and money on 24/7 relationships which will always be unsatisfactory in the end, and leave you writing to Ms. Hillary saying your wallets had a spring clean and vacuum. Thank you for a clear and lucid letter, Willy. Your lady (and you) are lucky people.