Dear Hillary,
(Regarding Singha Jerry’s letter supporting ‘Mia Chow’ “salaries”) Let’s not be too hard on Jerry, he has not been here long enough, let him spend every night in Walking Street and thereabouts, and why not. Jerry is a happy guy and I’m sure after a few years he will wake up and understand. I hope he does, if he doesn’t, then maybe we will be reading Jerry’s letters again.
Thai Mark

Dear Thai Mark,
I am glad to hear that Jerry is a happy guy, because, like you I don’t think he will be a happy guy forever. “Salaries” are paid to servants. Wives are not servants. However, I am glad to see that male chauvinism hasn’t died out, and Jerry appears to be the ring leader in Pattaya. I look forward to meeting him.

Dear Hillary,
Some of the forums round town are cracking on about Thai women wanting to marry foreigners because they are “rich”. Sure, the average foreigner who lives in Thailand has more money than the average worker in Thailand, but there are lots who make less than the upper level Thais do. They also forget that it is natural for men to fall for a Thai lady, because that’s who there is to choose from in this country. So is there anything wrong with a foreigner falling in love with a Thai lady and vice versa? I know of plenty of couples and the foreigner is just a pensioner and they don’t have much money at all, but have a good marriage. The only reason that foreigners get burned is when they put themselves in the position of choosing from the bar girls, who are there to make money, they aren’t looking for love. There should be no confusion. You’ve told them often enough Hillary.
Johnno

Dear Johnno,
Yes I have told them, my Petal, but every year there comes a fresh batch of starry eyed foreigners ready to buy the gold and then the house, the land, the medical bills for father, the motorcycle for the brother and veterinary bills for the buffalo. But you can help try and get them to see that a one week liaison is not the foundation for a good long marriage! Unless, of course, the groom has very deep pockets which can last until he shuffles off, leaving everything to his bride (and her family).

Dear Hillary,
Further to my correspondence of some time ago regarding the lady in the next house who flaunts her body nightly - well, you have inadvertently disclosed something about yourself in making a “Freudian slip”. By claiming Freud was a friend of yours you most certainly must be a very ancient crone, as the man cashed in his mortal coil in 1939, that is 74 years ago to save you consulting your abacus. Or was this claim of friendship untrue, and you were merely seeking fame by association? Nothing is documented in his memoirs that he knew of your existence, but you are certainly of great age to even allege you were of his acquaintance! It is a great pity wisdom did not accompany your ageing process. Now, what would Freud have made of you? The mind boggles. As Freud once profoundly said in his book titled “Agony Aunts Are Always Abysmal” (it was awarded 5A ratings in the best sellers list), “There’s many a slip between hand and hip.”
And you have leapt to some unwarranted conclusions. By inferring some time ago as to whether I still have my rocking horse is akin to asking a total stranger “When did you stop beating your wife?” Of course I still have that memory of a very happy childhood, and his name is “Giddyup”.
But back to my original subject - the flaunting lady. Circumstance has forced her to cease her shameless behavior of showering in full view of neighbors. The other night, while performing her normal erotic ablutions, she unfortunately tripped over her Zimmer frame and sustained such injuries that she was whisked off to hospital on a stretcher. I haven’t seen her since, so perhaps the medics are having difficulty in putting her back together. However, knowing your penchant for such things, I do have photographs which I’ve saved especially for you to view.
Puritanical Pattaya Parishioner

Dear PPP,
You are indeed a very sick puppy. Whatever gave you the idea that I would be in the slightest interested in photographs of someone being whisked off on a stretcher? Or were you offering photographs of your rocking horse? Once more you have made conclusions not based on sound facts. There’s more than one Freud in this world, my peeping Petal. At last count there were 84 in the Austrian phone books. My friend Ziggy Freud (amateur psychologist) should not be confused with Sigmund Freud (professional psychologist and erstwhile author). I am glad your next door neighbor has now left you in peace, so you don’t have to crane your neck attempting to look into her boudoir, and this closes the correspondence on this subject.