Dear Hillary,
I notice in newspaper articles, police reports, travel publications and TV documentaries that any bar, tavern, lounge or nightclub, no matter the wampum invested, which features dancing girls for the pleasure of straight males is described as “seedy” (letter from Andrew), whereas any such establishment targeted at gay patrons is described as “festive”. I can’t imagine you going along with this political correctness on purpose. Must be an oversight. Yes? Ken

Dear Ken,
I am not PC, which I consider to be downright nonsense if not completely silly. For example, a manhole cover is a personhole cover! However, I do not put these adjectives into an incoming letter/email - that was done by the writers themselves. I would agree with Andrew that “seedy” is the best description of many of the go-go bars around town, but you could also apply that to many of the karaoke places as well. But I would question the “festive” label, I must say. “Festive” refers to Xmas for me, not for “gay” relationships, using today’s accepted term for same sex situations. So you can relax Ken, Ms Hillary is not PC. So now, where’s the champers and chocolates? By the way, if you want a very non-PC laugh, go to Billy Connolly’s rant on  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbhuxWIxTgA.

Dear Hillary,
I have just been watching some poor bloke’s tale of woe on Facebook. Came out here, met the girl of his dreams in the bar. Shacked up together, wedding in the village, then blew all his savings building a home for her (and her family) and a pig farm. Money started to run short, the missus gives him short shrift and he has to return to the UK penniless. And he wonders how this can happen. There’s one born every minute as they say.
Rufus

Dear Rufus,
There certainly is one born every minute, and it seems that at least 50 percent of them catch a plane to Bangkok where they meet the girl of their dreams, get married in the village, build the house, with or without pig farm and settle down into an alcohol fuzz, lost in a foreign culture which they will never understand. You have to feel sorry for them.
The culture here is so different from their own culture in the UK, USA, Europe, Australia, and without language skills they will never be able to bridge the great divide. Many people have tried to warn these star struck chaps, point them to books like Stephen Leather’s Private Dancer, counsel them, but to no avail. “This one’s different” is mentioned all the time as they go into the second and third relationship. Like lemmings they all rush over the matrimonial cliff together and end up sitting outside the local convenience store drinking cheap beer from 10 in the morning. A far cry from their initial thoughts of going back home with the beautiful trophy bride on the arm and show off in front of family and friends.
However, if you read this column regularly, you will find that there are some relationships that do work, but Hillary’s experience is there’s far more heart breaks than celebrations.
So what are you going to do, Rufus? I am doing my bit, now it’s time for you to join the warning party!

Dear Hillary,
Some of your readers will probably say this is a silly question, but I haven’t been here long, so I don’t know the ropes. I often see a rather nice looking girl in the local shopping center and I sometimes stop and say hello. She is very well dressed and seems to have good English. I have asked her what she is doing and she says she is waiting for boyfriend, but she seems to be waiting every day. Should I ask her if she is really waiting for a boyfriend? Do you think she is a prostitute? How do I ask? What will tell me that she is? Please don’t laugh, I would really like to get to know this girl.
Jeffrey

Dear Jeffrey,
You certainly are new around these parts, aren’t you! Let me take you by the hand in this matter. No, you do not say, “Excuse me, are you a prostitute?” Firstly, there are no prostitutes because that is against the law, so there aren’t any. However, there does appear to be a few enthusiastic ‘amateurs’ or ‘side-line’ girls around the place. What you have to reason out, is how can she be so well dressed without a job, because you see her every day “waiting” and that’s not delivering food, is it? So she is either a young lady of independent means, or someone who goes shopping a lot with someone else’s money. You still with me, my Petal? Now she has been giving you all the hints, “waiting for a boyfriend”. That wasn’t waiting for “her” boyfriend - she is waiting for “a” boyfriend. This is leaving the opening for you to become the boyfriend - but I fear this relationship would cost you a whole heap of money. Take my tip - change your shopping center and wait till you meet some nice girl who is working there, not “waiting” there.