Heart to Heart: Good Girls apply here


Good Girls apply here
Dear Hillary,
I notice that most of the letters you get are from farang males who are complaining about what has happened to them in the bar scene. Surely they must see that there is a big difference between that side of Pattaya and the other side? If they were only to look past the end of their noses they would appreciate that there are some truly wonderful girls out there. I have been married to my Thai wife for four years now and there has never been a “bad moment” in all that time. She is beautiful, intelligent (a qualified accountant) and caring. I do not have to change the locks on my doors or worry that my suits will be cut up. She does not need ropes of gold to hold her in the marriage, or motorcycles, or houses. We have a partnership and mutual trust. Why don’t some of these men look for the “good” girls?

Dear Amazed,
There may be lots of reasons. One may be that the supply of “wonderful girls” is much less than the demand, so the single males gravitate to the good-time girls, of which there is a more than adequate supply. Look after your wonderful wife and buy her plenty of chocolates (you can send the champagne to me, Hillary, c/o Pattaya Mail) and continue to build on your mutual trust. Bar scene farangs generally are not looking past the end of their noses – it is some other part of the anatomy. By the way, which other side of Pattaya are you referring to? Surely not the Dark Side, I hope.

Unusable body parts!
Dear Hillary,
I read with astonishment the letter written to your Dear Hillary column by my friend, Tully. Although truly a very dear friend, Tully hasn’t a clue. It is not my purple bank notes that the girls seek me out for, it’s a particular body part of mine. Known as the “best” in Pattaya it has become a legend in certain circles and although I can’t use it very often it has made me very popular in town.

Dear “Jerry”,
You and Tully sound quite a pair. Jealousy, intrigue, purple persuader finances, bar girls and unusable popular body parts. All the ingredients for another Stephen Leather exciting yarn. I shall let him know about you both. You can expect a telephone call. However, while waiting for the call, it would be interesting for you both to reverse your roles. Let Tully flash the purples, while you see whether the popularity of the best part continues. Do let Hillary know. It’s not often you can become part of a sociological experiment!

Nigerian get rich scheme
Dear Hillary,
My name is Oghale Lawrence, a member of the Presidential Task Force on Oil Spillage Clean-up. Early last year there was a major oil spillage in the Niger Delta Region of Nigeria. The contract was handled by a foreign firm but we decided to over-invoice the contract sum.

Now the contract has been completed and the original contractor has since been paid, but the contract balance of US$38 million has been left in a suspense account with the Central Bank of Nigeria. The problem is as government officials, we are not supposed to own fat bank accounts, talk less of having foreign ones.

We are soliciting your assistance as a foreign partner who can assist us and receive this amount into your account. We are ready to share this money with you. For providing the account where we shall remit this money, you will be entitled to 25 percent of the entire funds, 70 percent will be for me and my partners, while 5 percent has been set aside to cover any expenses that may be incurred by both parties during this transaction, both local and international.

Please I enjoin you to handle this transaction with utmost degree of maturity and confidentiality because I am still in active government service with the “Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation”.
Oghale Lawrence

Dear Oggie,
Sending uninvited “invitations” such as this to a newspaper is a sure-fire way to keep things confidential. However, Hillary is well aware of your particular scam, which has been doing the rounds for about 15 years. It works because people get blinded by the thought of 25 percent of 38 million USD (before you rush to the electronic calculator, it is 9.5 million), and it sounds as if you don’t have to pay out anything. You do, and Oggie and his mates would tantalize you with messages that there is only one more step, but they have to pay somebody off, so just send another X dollars for stamp duty, transfer, etc., and the money will be released. They, of course, cannot touch the 38 million because it is frozen until it is sent to your account, so are unable to pay the stamp duty themselves. Pattaya, if you haven’t seen one of these scam letters – there it is. Put it in the circular file immediately. Oh yes, Oggie, oil spillage is a great place for you, you slippery character.