Your future wife is waiting

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Dear Hillary,

I had a great holiday in Thailand a few months ago and met some very nice ladies who offered to look after me, if I was coming back to Thailand, but when I got back to Australia I found out my job had gone to Asia and I could not afford my rent so I had to go to a boarding house, which isn’t too bad, there are a couple of people who speak broken English.  My job center asked me what I wanted to do and when I told him he said there wasn’t much call for a 70 year old animal carer at the zoo, any way the local church puts on a good lunch every day.

Scotty.

Dear Scotty,

What trials and tribulations you have been through, my Petal.  But I do have a glimmer of hope for you Scotty.  At 70 years of age you must be eligible for an old age pension, although in your case, it might be an invalid pension for mental problems, I fear.  However, you don’t need to live in a boarding house, you can live here in a bawdy house, as they are always looking for staff.  All you have to do is to come back here and bring your pension entitlement with you.  Your future wife is waiting at the last bar you drank at.  Give her the bank book and your PIN number, it will be safe with her.