Dear Hillary,

Where did you study history? Certainly not in Australia or Tasmania. I don’t think you studied any African history either. The Chinese have certain recollections of the “concession” ports they had to cede while their people were addicted to opium grown in India all for British profit. And among the many massacres who have been more prolific than the British? Who has been crueler or more self interested than they? The Native American experience was a horrible one. Perhaps if we had successfully spoken German we would have been more peaceful than you. It is enough to make me want to send “Long shanks” back to Scotland to clear up your misconceptions and historical errors. No British genocides? My god! Hillary I have held my peace this past week, but you deserve this and more because you chose to denigrate an ally to your country while you overlook the 180 countries Britain has invaded.



Dear Robert,

Pray tell, just why is it you think I “deserve this”? I have never been to Tasmania, though I am told they only use 10 surnames and that includes the sheep. (Joke, Robert, told to me by an Aussie.) Is all this because a Scotsman pointed a finger at America? It wasn’t me, Petal, it was Don who called himself “an articulate, multilingual Scotsman looking forward to independence from the remnants of the Empire.” Well, unfortunately for Don, the No Vote was more than the Yes Vote, but now I am getting the blame for Don’s “misconceptions and historical errors.” “Longshanks” didn’t come within a 10 baht taxi ride on a songthaew either, but he was very good at raising taxes I believe. He would have fitted in well with today’s ruling political parties (other than Tasmania). Now can we get back to heartbroken swains and female accountants who work in beer bars?