Wind in the willows


Dear Hillary,

This may sound a bit funny, but I have a new bed partner, and so I am on my best behavior. About 2 in the morning I get this very painful need to pass wind. If it was just a quiet one, I could muffle it in the doona, but it’s not, it’s a rip-roaring full blown fart which would wake the dead. I’ve tried lemon tea before bed, I’ve tried milk, tried honey and vinegar. No effect. What do I do now?


Dear Gareth,

Have you tried sleeping in the spare room? Standing outside to let it rip? Suggest she sleeps with ear plugs in? There’s a limit to what an Agony Aunt can do Petal!