Will Vitamin V help?

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Dear Hillary,

I don’t know if you can help me, or at more than 70 it may be I can’t be helped, but I have a problem with my girlfriend.  Her parents are alive and well and her brother manages to stay on his motorbike OK.  The buffalo is not sick, as are the grandparents and she has no children that I know of.  I do not ask for sex all the time, and at my age I am happy with once a week, and then it is best with Vitamin V as you call it.  What happens though is that when my desires come up her’s come on even stronger and she wants to go for hours and hours, and since she is young she can, but there has to be a limit.  What should I do?

V

Dear V,

You do have such a problem, don’t you, my Petal.  But the answer is simple.  You must stop taking Vitamin V immediately and when you can’t perform, your girlfriend can make up her own mind whether to wait till next week after you’ve managed to wind yourself up (instead of winding up Hillary) or find an alternative.  V, if you keep coming (or going) this way, you will definitely die.  I think it is time that you had a little chat with your wonderful lady and explained the real situation.