Will a diet be enough?

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Dear Hillary,

I have been with this one woman for about four years. She was a pretty little thing and I was always happy to be seen with her, but when I came back this time after six weeks in the sand box, she’s turned into a fat frog. I don’t want to be seen with her in case people start to feel sorry for me. What’s my options?

Sandy

Dear Sandy,

You have many options, Petal. You can cut and run, leaving everything you collected in the past four years. You can ignore the weight gain, but hide all cameras. Or the best way – tell her how much you loved her when she was a little petite lady, and can she go on a diet to get down to her original weight again? She will either cut up your trousers (be careful if you’re wearing them at the time), or physically throw you out, or point out your beer belly. That’s about it, Sandy. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it. I’m sure she didn’t put on all that weight in six weeks!