Where to take the oldies?

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Dear Hillary,

My husband’s mother and father are coming out for a holiday next month. This will be their first trip to Thailand and I am wondering where we should take them. They are both in their 60’s, so we must be careful of the venue.

Martha

Dear Martha,

What have you to be careful of? Will Pa-in-law become an aggressive drunk and molest the waitress, or Ma-in-law get her gear off and get on the stage at the chrome pole paradise? Honestly, what is the world coming to? Stop worrying! Pattaya has more amazing things to do and go to than just about anywhere in the world. You should put the following on the agenda, one of the lavish on stage transvestite shows (Tiffany’s or Alcazar), a visit to some of the restaurants out over the water on Walking Street like King Sea Food or the Lobster Pot, take them to the tourist entertainment outlets like Nong Nooch gardens and other similar venues, enjoy relaxed BBQ’s with music at the Centara Grand Mirage (Thursday nights) for example, a bit of fun, food and dancing at the Jomtien Boathouse, live rock at the Mabprachan Venue (Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and even take them to a go-go bar. After all, they are here and someone will ask them on their return what was a go-go like. You can even grab one of the “bar hopping” guides for tourists which will show you the kinds of places you might like to take the in-laws. Relax and enjoy their being here. They’re old enough to tell you what they want anyway! They don’t need chaperoning.