When do you stop forgiving?


Dear Hillary,

After 11 wonderful years I discovered that my Thai wife (legally married) had begun an affair with a guy from Isaan.  She admitted it after coming home drunk one night.  Thinking that it was a drunken fling I forgave her, after she said that she had started it, so she could finish it.  Having been drunk on the odd occasion myself and done silly things, I forgave her.

Six weeks later she went up country for a funeral.  I asked if she would be going to see him but was assured that no, she would be too busy with the funeral.  She kept in daily contact and I was happy for her in having a break.  Then she disappeared from the radar, phone turned off for two days.  I was suspicious.  After she returned, everything seemed OK and then I discovered her iPad which she had not turned off – and it was backwards and forward messages between her and the guy, complete with half naked photographs of her.

She admitted then that this was from the missing two days in Isaan.  She said never again would it happen and for me to trust her.  That was hard but I tried to forgive and forget.

The next episode was in July when she went to the temple for a religious ceremony.  She rang later that evening to say the ceremony was still on, so she and her friends would stay the night at the temple if that was OK.  I said yes and she returned the following evening.  Usually she posts lots of pix of herself and the Buddhist friends, but this time none.  Sure enough she did not go with lady friends, but with the guy again.  Tears, tears and protestations that she wanted to be with me to look after me as I got older.

I decided to put everything behind me and give her another chance, even though I was heartbroken.

Then in October she went with friends to Bangkok.  The bus got back at 11 p.m. and she said she had to go to her classmate’s place as they had to write up the event.  Again I was suspicious.

The next day I saw her car outside an apartment block.  I rang her and then sat in her car and waited.  Sure enough, she came running out of the apartment.  So I moved out, enough was enough.

Is this a “normal” way of life in Thailand?  If so, I would warn every farang to consider this before hooking up with any of these Thai women.  By the way, she was not a bar girl.



Dear Roland,

I hope you feel better after getting that off your chest, my Petal.  It has been a very trying time for you, and I am sure everyone feels very sorry for you.  Undoubtedly this was a great disappointment, but you must not think that every marriage between a farang and a Thai is like this.  I get many letters from farangs who have been married to their Thai wives for much longer than you, and they are still happily married.  You do not say whether there are any children of your marriage, but if there is, their welfare must be taken into account as well, even before that of you and your wife.  Best of luck.

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