The lemming experience


Dear Hillary,

Happy New Year and all that and I’m wondering if all the poor souls from 2011 will ever find their true girlfriends, and will 2012 bring on another steady stream of broken hearts asking what to do and where to go.  You would imagine by this time at least some of them would see the light.  Anyway, Hills, old bean, all the best and keep smiling.


Dear Pete,

What’s with the “Hills, old bean”, Pete my Petal?  Just refer to me as Hillary, thank you, “old bean” indeed!  Now as far as the army of the broken hearts is concerned, of course there will be a new wave coming.  It happens every year and is something to do with 2012 being the lemming leap year.  Your “poor souls” as you call them, leave their cold and wintry countries and come here to waving palm trees, warmth and even warmer ladies.  No wonder they all do the lemming leap off the cliff together when they find that the lovely Lek from Legs Bar Beer was just doing her job, and they have been replaced by the second wave of Scandinavians, to be followed by the third wave of Belgians.  With the dearth of female company for the older (and younger, I am led to believe) males from the UK, Scandinavia, Belgium and all points West in their own countries, the happy little bunny who will sit on their knees and say, “I lub you too mut, buy me drink,” is beyond their wildest dreams.  No wonder they fall for some of the oldest bargirl lines in the world.  But they do, and they break their hearts and the cycle continues.