What do you do with a girlfriend who loves Thai soaps? She is a lovely girl, looks after me, cooks, cleans, washes, tidy – but that is as long as a soapie isn’t on, because then everything stops, and all I get is shoosh. It would be OK if the soaps came on at 11 p.m. and lasted two hours, but no, they seem to be on from 6 p.m. until midnight. I work hard during the day and need my sleep and she should be looking after me then. But soapie comes first, Alan comes second.
How long have you been in Thailand? Is this your first girlfriend? You are now starting to see that there is more to living together than cooking, cleaning, washing and tidying. In the Thai way of listing important items, I’m afraid soapie rates higher than Alan (which you already know). If you persevere then you can add mother, father, brothers, sisters, family cat and soi dog all in the list above Alan. You see, my Petal, there is a price for having a gorgeous film star staying with you and sharing your bed (after the soaps of course). I’m afraid that is how life is and the only thing that outranks soapies are parties at which soapy stars are present, so that your girl can show all her friends that she was at a function with … (fill in the latest top billing). Never forget that you are an alien, Alan. That’s why you come into Thailand through the aliens gate. Time for you to face a few facts of life in Thailand, and then working out how you fit into it all. And remember some of the soapies have two hour programs.