Next week BSA?

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Dear Hillary,

I was very interested to read your advice to Valentino a few weeks ago and wondered if perhaps you could help me too. I have a British motorcycle (a Triumph) and I park it in the garage when I go off shore. I have noticed that when I come back these days, it no longer leaks oil on the garage floor. I have my suspicions that my wife has given it to a Thai boyfriend, and the motorcycle is staying at his place while I’m away. Why she would do this is beyond me as I give her everything she wants, gold chains and everything. I really cannot think of any other reason for the garage floor to be so clean. Do you think the seals have taken up, or what is happening? Is there another logical answer?

Nick.

Dear Nick,

Just what have I brought on my head this time? Now it’s a motorcycle clinic! No, my Petal, the seals on your Triumph have not taken up. Good British bikes always leak oil, so there is a simple answer for you. Have you checked the level of oil in the crankcase? For a logical answer, I think you will find there is no oil left. That is the only feasible explanation with your British bike. Unless it was made in Japan, whereupon it is really a copy bike! Check the serial numbers, Poppet. And talk to the nice man at the motorcycle shop, not Hillary. You could of course, try locking it up while you are away. A good heavy chain, like the gold one your wife wears, with a strong combination lock, should be enough to keep it in the garage, and you will see if the drip is from the motorcycle, or perhaps it is you. By the way, you’re not the phantom knicker knicker are you?