Love potion number 9


Dear Hillary,

Is there something wrong with me? Every night I go out, and that’s most nights, I meet some of the most beautiful girls in the world and I fall in love again and again and again. This would be OK if I could remember which bar and which girl, but when I go back the next day there’s even more beauties and I go through it all again. Is this something that happens to all holidaymakers, or am I just lucky (or unlucky)? I say unlucky because it all seems to be costing me a lot of money, and Thailand is supposed to be a cheap place to come to for your holidays.


Dear Confused,

You certainly are a confused holidaymaker, aren’t you, my Petal. However, Thailand is still cheap, provided you don’t eat steak or drink petrol, but it is your ‘kid in the candy store’ approach to life that is draining your wallet. I am also sure that you are drinking Love Potion Number 9, which in Thailand is generally sold in green bottles and the lovely ladies in the bar will be making sure you get enough for maximum effect. Do you remember the gorgeous young thing, with her hand on your leg, saying, “Wun moah beeyah?” That is neither Thai nor Isaan dialect, but is the universal bar girl’s approach to ensuring intoxication in their “lub you for ebber tee rak” of the evening. Not only does Love Potion Number 9 affect your vision, but it also aids in the opening of your wallet and causes large denominations of money to fall out. If you are very lucky, your credit card will not fall out as well, because Love Potion Number 9 also aids in helping you reciting PIN numbers after several bottles are consumed. My advice is to only drink at the bar within 50 meters of your hotel (there will be at least two within that radius) and to only have 1,000 baht in your wallet before going out.