I’m back! I had to leave because of some migration problems

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Dear Hillary,

I’m back!  I had to leave because of some migration problems.  I long overstayed my visa and had to get the flock out of here.  I am happy to see my vision of changing the name of Pattaya to just ‘WOW’.  Like my misspelled tatto (sic) that was supposed to be ‘MOM’, someone has copied my idea (OK) and started a business on Second Road called ‘California WOW’.  Although I am not from California / gay, but completely homogenous it is a start.  Bottoms up!  No, I’m not gay!  By the way the movie guy called you an octogenerian (sic) on his Dec 17 column.  Does that mean you have eight arms and legs or are VERY old?

Singha Jerry

Dear Singha Jerry,

Thank you for your email, and sorry to hear of the deportation problems.  Mind you, I would have also deported you for abuse of the English language.  If you must sport a tattoo, the least you could do is learn how to spell the wretched thing.  And an ‘octogenarian’ is someone who is in their 80’s.  By the way, I don’t really see why I have to be regaled with all these protestations referring to your sexual persuasion.  I really don’t mind if you lust after a tortoise.  As they say in Thailand “Up to you!”  And while you have a few spare moments over New Year look up Malapropisms.