Heart to Heart – November 15, 2019 – November 20, 2019


In the quest of older ladies

Dear Hillary,

Marry a Thai girl and you have married a cheater. There appears to be a misconception that anybody marrying a Thai is doomed to have a cheater. Doesn’t matter how many years they have been married, it will fail. Some of your writers put it down to the age difference – the old farang and the young Thai girl. But what nobody seems to see is the older farang and the older Thai woman. With young Thai females, they are looking for financial stability, but the older Thai woman is looking for companionship. In the young and old situation, after the Thai girl sees her security covered (the house for example), she doesn’t need the old man any more, so she goes out by herself to have a good time. The older Thai woman is already secure and enjoys the man’s company so they go out together, and doesn’t need to cheat. I am American and have been blessed with a wonderful 59 year old Thai lady wife (we started going out 10 years ago). We do everything together and is just the best companion an older man could wish for. So I say to all these old men who complain about being ripped off, they should be looking for the older ladies, not the young beautiful ones.


Dear Lance,

Wise words, but you can’t just use one person’s experience and say, “That’s it!” Just because you have been lucky doesn’t mean to say the next American will also be lucky with an older lady. Or the next senior with a young gorgeous attentive mate be unlucky. The dynamics in a marriage are so different from the non-married life that it amazes me that any marriage lasts for more than six months. Enjoy your situation, but I suggest you don’t tell everyone your “secret”.


Marrying the family

Dear Hillary,

It amuses me when I read some of the letters that men send to you complaining about how the bar girls that move in with them seem to always want more money. You live with a bar girl until you are ready to move on or tired of being an ATM. You guys have it easy. I have been married to a Thai woman for 8 years. When I met her she worked in a hospital, I guess you would call her a non-bar girl. Here’s my point; I have spent much more money since being married than I ever did when I had bar girl friends. When you marry a Thai girl, you also marry the entire family. My wife has six sisters, all married with kids. They never ask me for money, however, when I see that one of them is having a hard time paying off the bank loan because the rice crop was flooded out, a nephew or niece needs money for school, I help them. The eight years I’ve been married to my Thai wife are the best years of my life and I hope for many more. Although I respect and admire the bar girls – theirs is not an easy life, they are just trying to survive.

Uncle Bob

Dear Uncle Bob,

Why didn’t you wait for me? I am having a hard time paying off a bank loan (food mortgage). You have also correctly described the Thai families (that you marry into) – they are not all standing in line with their hands out. They are ordinary people, who look after each other when needed. You sound like such a nice man, my Petal, I shall cry myself to sleep tonight having missed you. However, I am so happy to hear you are enjoying the “best years of my life”, and yet do understand the plight of the bar girls. Or rather, the trade of the bar girls, as they are not forced into working from around a chrome pole – they choose that existence.


Gold Number 1?

Dear Hillary,

About a month ago you received some letters discussing whether all that Thai women want is money (or gold), so I hope you don’t mind if I put my two bobsworth in here as well. Yes, all they want is money, and by the bucketload. After they’ve cleaned you out, they disappear and you are left with nothing and they don’t show any remorse either. As a foreigner you are fair game, better get used to it.


Dear Jacques,

Your bank account still empty and you are hurting, aren’t you, my poor Petal. But with any partnership there has to be an equal split. If you leave it so that she has access to everything and you have nothing, like the bee, she will buzz to the next flower, or as the Thai’s say “Being a helicopter”. Be more honest with yourself, Jacques. Let her have her own bank account. Put a fixed amount in it each month and don’t listen to all the sob stories about the brother’s broken leg and the cost of schooling for her 6 year old that her mother is caring for, let alone Lao Khao for Pappa.