Heart to Heart – June 5, 2019


This is my Trophy husband

Dear Hillary,

I am a middle aged woman from America and I have a Thai boyfriend who is a few years younger than me. OK, quite a few years younger than me, but we enjoy each other’s company and seem well suited to each other in personality. I’m not the one for wild drinking parties or drugs, and neither is he. When we go anywhere, like to a restaurant, I have to put up with people whispering behind my back, as if I have committed a crime or something, when these same people are there with their very much younger Thai girlfriends. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander they say. Why do people carry on like this, Hillary? Do you know?


Dear Jenni,

You have found out, my Petal, that there are some fairly shallow people around. Step away from the “normal” behavior and people will talk, and yes, behind your back. If you were in the US, your Thai boyfriend would be called a “trophy” husband, a term which shows just how jealous of you are the people around you. So ignore them and continue to enjoy your life and your boyfriend, my Petal. When you’re finished with him, you can always send him on over to me


Snooping for porn

Dear Hillary,

As my computer was down, I used my husband’s lap top which he had left at home between trips. I clicked on his ‘favorites’ and was taken aback by the number of porn sites he has been visiting. Is this something I should worry about? Or has he tired of me (we have been married for 15 years)? He has been lusting after all these women dressed in lingerie and stockings, and I don’t even possess a pair of stockings in retaliation. My girlfriends said to just ignore it, all males like to fantasize and I should do nothing. I don’t know if they mean that, or have they got designs on my husband? This does upset me. What do you think I should do? I am worrying myself sick over it.


Dear Marie,

Before I get into your problem, I must counsel you on snooping. You may have been married for 15 years, that does not give you the right to go looking in your husband’s lap top. It is also very silly of you to mention this to your girlfriends. Do you think your circle of girlfriends are governed by the seal of the confessional? Leave that to the dog collar brigade. The reason there is so much porn available, and thousands of sites, is because your husband and people like him need some kind of outlet or respite from the stresses of today’s living. For most men it is just a fantasy, as your girlfriends said, but having said all that, if he is spending much of his salary on these sites, which can happen, let me tell you, Petal, then this viewing of porn has become an addiction, which may require some sexual counseling. Check the credit card entries, this may give you some idea of the perceived problem or otherwise, but be aware any entries from these sites will not state “Porno Pix Pty”.


Hit with a joiners fee

Dear Hillary,

I was in Bangkok last week, staying at one of the better hotels (I won’t say which one), and went to the hotel’s own disco. Long story short, I ended up having a few drinks with a young lady and invited her to stay the night with me, but as we came up from the disco we were set upon by the night staff who demanded I pay 1,000 baht for her to stay with me and also she had to leave her ID card with them. I have always believed that when you order a double-bed room, the second person was covered in the price. Is this not the current way in Thailand? I also believe it is not a good idea to leave your personal details with anyone, such as the Thai ID card, such as was demanded of my girlfriend. Is this normal, or was I just being ripped off? I did pay and she did leave her ID.


Dear James,

You were being charged a “joiner” fee, which is pretty standard in most up-market hotels. When you take someone in for the night, more hotel facilities are used (towels, soaps, etc.), so I suppose they can justify the fee. I have no idea whether that is the standard fee, but in general, the more expensive the room, the higher the fee. As far as the ID card is concerned, my Petal, be thankful that the hotel does this. What would you have done if your disco companion which you say was your “girlfriend”, whom you had known for a whole two hours, decamped in the middle of the night with all your valuables. And all you know is that her name was Lek. At least with the ID recorded the police do have a chance of finding your Lek from the 10,000 other Leks in Bangkok.