Heart to Heart – July 5, 2019 – July 11, 2019


When is a GF not a maid?

Dear Hillary,

There’s a lot of blokes who write to you all worried about money that their GFs ask them for. What’s wrong with these blokes? If you don’t want to give them money, then don’t do it. If they leave then you know what it was they wanted above everything else, so why fret? Good riddance for bad rubbish I say.


Dear Harry,

You are a very romantic soul, aren’t you! You are not describing a girlfriend, you are describing a maid. Big difference. Maids will go to the highest bidder. Girlfriends are someone who contributes something to the relationship. You have got the two confused, Petal. Stick with your maid until a woman comes along who sets your heart on fire.


Stuck with a sideliner

Dear Hillary,

You have often mentioned “sideline” girls as if they are some sort of different species, so there’s bar girls, sideline girls and “good” girls. Correct? You will have to help me here, Hillary. How do I find the different ones? Or is there any real differences? There’s a big responsibility on you here, Hillary. Lots of men in Pattaya will be directing their future direction in life depending on your answer.


Dear Joe,

You men certainly make things difficult for yourselves, don’t you, my Petal. Why is it so important that you put your latest girlfriend into one of these three categories? Looks to me like finding witches in the middle ages. Dunk the poor woman in water and if she doesn’t drown then she’s a witch. If she does drown, it shows that she wasn’t a witch after all. But fat lot of good that did for the non-witch who was dead by then! However, to make it easier for you, here is the guaranteed Hillary’s Guide to Thai Girls. This guide should be understood before going into the next category up. Starting at the lower end – Bar Girls. Apply the British Standard Duck test here – if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it most probably is a duck. A bar girl will go to bed with you after you pay the bar fine (Mamasan will advise here). She will also want a plate of noodles that night and then scarper with the first chink of light (after the agreed fee for services rendered). Her main job is to work in the bar and get you to buy them copious drinks.

The sideliners are a little different. Their day job is to work in the shop and afterwards get you to take them to an expensive dinner in lieu of a bar fine. They will expect the equivalent of the bar girl’s fee in the morning for servicing and they too will scarper, as they have to get to the office/shop in the morning.

Now the “good girls”. Petal, you and your mates outside the 7-ELEVEn don’t need to worry about this category, unless your surname is “Na something” and you went to the best schools and your parents know her parents. Graduating from the 7-ELEVEn academy is not quite select enough, sorry.

So there you are, Petals. There’s only two categories available to you. Both of them will be economical with the truth and both will cost you money! Helpful hint – you can pick up and put down a bar girl at will. The sideliners tend to be more “clingy”. As we say here, “Up to you, Teerak.”


Can I believe her?

Dear Hillary,

I came to Thailand for a two week holiday and met a young girl, as you do. We got along well, so I paid for her company up till the day before I left. That was when she started ringing me up and asking to see me, saying she was in love with me. Even if she couldn’t be with me for my last night she wanted to come and see me before the taxi picked me up. I felt bad about this but all my mates told me to forget about her, but I kept on answering her calls, but the mates stopped me from giving in, but I still felt bad about it all. What do you think I should have done? Mike

Dear Mike,

You forgot where you met this young lady who fell madly in love with you after 10 days. You paid for her company, my Petal. It was a business arrangement, not a matrimonial contract. By making you feel indebted to her, she was much more likely to extract even more money from you, which is why she wanted the face to face meeting, even on that last morning, you never know what you can get, even if it is just what is left in your wallet. You don’t say how old you are, but you are obviously a babe compared to the lady from the bar. What should you have done? Just what you did do, and that was to cut the relationship once the period of hire was completed. It was a short-time holiday romance, and a paid one at that. Next time you come over, you will hopefully be more mature, more wise and keep a tight hold on your wallet.