Heart to Heart – July 19, 2019 – July 25, 2019


Buy me cola

Dear Hillary,

I’ve been reading you for some time and it seams (sic) to me that you’ve got a down on the bar girls. Why? They all speak English and know how to keep a bloke entertained. They’d make a much better wife than the stuck up society girls you are telling everyone to hook up with. Time for you to be a bit more real old gal and stop knocking the working girls. At least you don’t have to get permission from her parents to hold her hand!


Dear Pedro,

I think it is time you went through the back copies of this illustrious newspaper, my Petal, and see and note what I have really been saying. However, you are right, the bar girls do speak (some kind of) English, and so I suppose if you are looking for a long term relationship with a woman and you are happy with the in-depth conversations of “Hello sexy man,” and “Sit down please” and “Buy me cola”, then you are in paradise. This depends upon, of course, you having an endless supply of cola at home, plus some cheap Thai whiskey to go with it and a rather large always-full wallet. The “working girls” are just that – they are working and like all good workers deserve their hire. What is forgotten in that heady rush of blood to the brain is that you are doing exactly that – hiring. “Mia chow” (rented wife) expects a monthly salary for her. It is not the more commonly thought of “housekeeping” money. She will demand a salary, which is untouchable. Does this make them a “better wife” as you claim? Each to his own, I suppose, but long term liaisons with working girls do not have a good long term history, Pete.


Bikini and carving knife

Dear Hillary,

What’s the go with the bikini bar girls? I buy one a drink and she always has a friend who wants one too. Take one out of the bar and you are hers for eternity, and look behind you if you ever take another. The first one will be behind you with a sharp carving knife. I thought that was the job, where she looked after the customer. You keep on saying that’s how they make their money.


Dear Trev,

I’m not really sure what your point is here, my Petal. Do you want a companion or not? When you go to the ‘professional’ end of town, you should expect to pay. Since you are the supplier of the cash, they’re not going to let you go easily, but I think you’re a bit OTT with the carving knife. You are too intense. Relax a little and spread the money around.


Salary for a maid

Dear Hillary,

I get different answers to my problem depending on the different people I ask, so I hope you will excuse me for asking you too. This is the first time my husband and I have been posted overseas, and I am told we are expected to employ a maid. The HR people tell my husband that we should pay her “whatever you want”. I don’t want to offer something too low, but I don’t want to go over the top either.


Dear Angie,

A common question, Petal, especially with newbies. I do understand your problem. The basic wage in Thailand is B. 300 a day so that’s your starting point. Now multiply by many days a week does she work? Now come the add-ons or take offs if you like – does she sleep out, or do you have a dedicated maid’s room? Does she eat in or eat out? Does she do her laundry with your laundry? All these “savings” can be deducted from the basic daily rate then multiplied by the number of days. I know it is a rough guide, but it will get you somewhere in the ball park, and where you are happy with it.


Just send money – lots of it

Dear Hillary,

My friends who have been to Pattaya before tell me that you never lose your girl, you only lose your turn. I’m taking out a real stunner right now and she said she would wait for me, but there is money involved if she’s out of the bar and not earning. What do you think is a reasonable monthly amount that she can live on till I come back in three months?


Dear Rick,

I don’t know which shower you came down in, but you certainly have been hiding under a rock somewhere. Don’t you read my column with all the terrible stories of lads like you who find the “I’m back in the village” actually means “I’m at a new bar and please send the money soon because my brother broke his leg in a motorcycle accident.” If you have already donated to the leg fund, send the money to the buffalo fund. Please just go back to your home town and never come to Thailand again. Or listen to your friends, who have been listening to me.